at least that what it feels like.
[give me walker, please son]
this morning i couldn't sleep, so i didn't.
i stayed in bed and watched cops shows and food specials. then at about 9 i started to feel stiff. i figured i just needed to get up and stretch but when i did i was alarmed to find that both of my ankles felt sprained. in a few hours my knees were swollen and they burned so bad. then my elbows, then my shoulders, then my hands, then my fingers. by this time i was going to the bathroom and looking at myself in the mirror wondering what the fuck was going on. then i saw it. on the vent. dust? no i grabbed a paper towel and tried to wipe it off. it was green and fuzzy and round and terrifying. mold. was that what was doing this to me? lame. i couldn't pop my fingers or even make a proper fist. ugh. my legs were weak. i'm tired, so tired.
[god likes to stick pins in my burlap doll i guess. a little too much.]
careful not to trip on the blasphemy.
im just worried about my chinchilla and my kittens and my roommate. tom seems fine though.
of course.
meanwhile im wincing and gingerly walking on my toes. fuckinghell.
i need to get to the bottom of this.
or your narcissism may be dead soon.
i've gotta hobble out now.
walmart and girl clothes and me being stiff and angry.
whoo.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Friday, July 4, 2008
independence
means alot to me. it does. walking down a street, or smoking a cigarette or doing the dumb shit i do, its all possible for me because i was born here, in this free nation, in this land of opportunity.
america keeps me safe.
well its brave men and women keep me safe.
america has good intentions.
its pretty good here, you know?
so all my veteran friends, all my enlisted ones too, and every person who flies a flag today or has a kick ass barbeque, thank you. for everything. i know i bitch alot about america, but you have to know it because i love her and i just want her to be ok, and stable and wonderful for everyone.
hooray 4th of july. hope you have all your fingers by the end of tonight.
<3
america keeps me safe.
well its brave men and women keep me safe.
america has good intentions.
its pretty good here, you know?
so all my veteran friends, all my enlisted ones too, and every person who flies a flag today or has a kick ass barbeque, thank you. for everything. i know i bitch alot about america, but you have to know it because i love her and i just want her to be ok, and stable and wonderful for everyone.
hooray 4th of july. hope you have all your fingers by the end of tonight.
<3
pretty
so you should rent this movie. its about dreams. its beautiful and complex and i love it. it also has a big naked girl that sucks up all the nightmares at the end. yessss. and im not one for anime, but this was a nice exception.
too much
i was awake at godawful hours this morning and of course i had cnn on.
i was listening and heard a story about how the government is actually backing a form of racial profiling. they're going to watch people [based on what race they are] and they're gonna watch where they go if they travel out of country and other such habits.
well fuck you america!
that's fucking stupid. every person in this [shitty] country has a right to live and be left alone. we can't just say this guy isn't a true american lets open a file on him and monitor his credit cards or what he watches on youtube.
[pretty soon we're all gonna have micro chips in our fucking arms]
look everyone. 9/11 was BAD. it was. and i'm sorry for it. sorry for everyone that suffered. sorry. but no one, NO ONE has the right to invade someone life and privacy the way they're planning too. its just not fair. the whole thing makes me sick. we're falling apart in front of everyone who lives here and no one is stepping up to say wait, this might not be the best form of action. no one cares! and now i'm not just talking about one thing i mean the whooole caboodle. people think that if they vote once every four years they can sit back and clap their hands together and say yep did my part. i'm a good citizen. no you're not. your the one helping us get flushed down the toilet when it comes to politics and freedom. and when it goes to shit finally you're going to be one of the crying filthy idiots who ask what happened?
maybe its the wine i'm drinking to numb my sorrows but i'm pretty fucking pissed. what happened to the strong headed american folk you read about? the ones who cared about truth and honor?
now we're wearing blindfolds and sucking dicks like we're NOT living in a free country or anything.
like we DON'T have the power to stop it.
the war, the gas, the laws, and the lack of brains in the supreme court makes me fucking sigh in shame.
we're sinking.
and i'm getting off the boat.
id rather wave white flags than burn and crumble.
ugh. i cant even finish this blog. but i can finish this wine.
maybe ill forget all about it.
but just in case ill pack my bags and put them by the door.
i was listening and heard a story about how the government is actually backing a form of racial profiling. they're going to watch people [based on what race they are] and they're gonna watch where they go if they travel out of country and other such habits.
well fuck you america!
that's fucking stupid. every person in this [shitty] country has a right to live and be left alone. we can't just say this guy isn't a true american lets open a file on him and monitor his credit cards or what he watches on youtube.
[pretty soon we're all gonna have micro chips in our fucking arms]
look everyone. 9/11 was BAD. it was. and i'm sorry for it. sorry for everyone that suffered. sorry. but no one, NO ONE has the right to invade someone life and privacy the way they're planning too. its just not fair. the whole thing makes me sick. we're falling apart in front of everyone who lives here and no one is stepping up to say wait, this might not be the best form of action. no one cares! and now i'm not just talking about one thing i mean the whooole caboodle. people think that if they vote once every four years they can sit back and clap their hands together and say yep did my part. i'm a good citizen. no you're not. your the one helping us get flushed down the toilet when it comes to politics and freedom. and when it goes to shit finally you're going to be one of the crying filthy idiots who ask what happened?
maybe its the wine i'm drinking to numb my sorrows but i'm pretty fucking pissed. what happened to the strong headed american folk you read about? the ones who cared about truth and honor?
now we're wearing blindfolds and sucking dicks like we're NOT living in a free country or anything.
like we DON'T have the power to stop it.
the war, the gas, the laws, and the lack of brains in the supreme court makes me fucking sigh in shame.
we're sinking.
and i'm getting off the boat.
id rather wave white flags than burn and crumble.
ugh. i cant even finish this blog. but i can finish this wine.
maybe ill forget all about it.
but just in case ill pack my bags and put them by the door.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
the swimming pool
we used to steal away, deep deep, in the middle of the night
armed with green glass, silver cans, and little flip boxes of menthol
we used to go, wind in the car, our faces flushed
drunk and uncaring, touching and laughing and full on what we were
at that point and time anyway
most nights we knew we had to beat the sun
the sun brought responsibility and realization
light, it brought light and only then could we see the lines in our faces
and the empty pockets pulled out
but we went
we found the pool and we walked past the gates
and we became the creatures of lore you only hear about in stories
wrestling and flipping, barking and yelling, telling back and re-reading the words
floating on our backs and reaching to stay together
when we would leave we would be exhausted, so tired
cold and wet and sighing with the relief and the pain in our muscles
the next day our hair color would shift, green and tinged
and when the new night started
we could still smell the chlorine
take me back there
take me back to the swimming pool
back when there wasn't a crack in the sandy colored floor and the bottles weren't empty and broken and forgotten
silver cans crushed
cigarettes burnt to the filters
i see you now and i don't even know you anymore
the people around you, long haired and shiny and tall and strange
i;m just a trespasser
lurking in a place that used to be mine
it all got so fucked up
material things missing, voices raised, bruises in the morning and the one drink that was too many
truths, they come built to hurt sometimes
we just weren't ready i suppose
we were just children playing in our elders clothes and makeup
caked and loose
and we paid
didn't we
please
just take me back
march and april
so long ago
too late.
i haven't slept in two days. yesterday at about 11 am i finally tried to lay down and force sleep on myself but instead i ended up watching the power ranger movie and the food channel.
and here i am. still awake. urg.
i've been thinking of people lately. if you couldn't tell. and yes they are the ones you would expect me to miss and yes they are probably the same people you would slap me across the face for even mentioning. i don't know whats going on with me lately but i've been feeling this strong urge to pull them back. i sit here and my fingers itch with a need to write them and tell them things even though they wouldn't even open an email from me. i've done some horrible things to people and vice versa. its really hitting me now. i've been such a child in alot of ways. and a real assbag. but its all jumbled in my head and i cant even sort through the crime and the fallacy anymore. all i have now are the old sepia memory stains of people i have and have lost. little things about them that kill me and make me smile when i should be hugging or running. i've lost perception when it comes to people. i cant do that. everytime i do i end up left alone and crying or bleeding or fooled so bad i don't even realize. guards activated. checking perimeter. i'm still intact. they haven't gotten through. thank god. maybe now i can sleep. right. that would be way to easy. i was reading some old blogs from when i used to write on myspace. there's one where i list all my friends and why i love them. that was stupid. i think all of two are still standing with me. what a dumb ass i was. fuck. all stupid eyed and ready. again, fuck. my arm itches. i guess maybe i'm just scared now. i've gone through the dumb luck phase of finding friends and realized that you can't just drink and you can't just go to clubs and make like your 16 at this age. it's a little too late for that. but whos gonna take this girl? shes used, covered in scars, she has a sick sense of humor and she wont like your boyfriend or girlfriend. she tired. and its showing in the way she talks and walks. she sleeps too long, she has no motivation. sheesh, i dont even like me now. heh. nice one.
ugh i need to quit being such a tool.
like i said. im just exhausted.
fuckit.
at least i have my kittens and tom and my hasty art.
its something.
[right?]
armed with green glass, silver cans, and little flip boxes of menthol
we used to go, wind in the car, our faces flushed
drunk and uncaring, touching and laughing and full on what we were
at that point and time anyway
most nights we knew we had to beat the sun
the sun brought responsibility and realization
light, it brought light and only then could we see the lines in our faces
and the empty pockets pulled out
but we went
we found the pool and we walked past the gates
and we became the creatures of lore you only hear about in stories
wrestling and flipping, barking and yelling, telling back and re-reading the words
floating on our backs and reaching to stay together
when we would leave we would be exhausted, so tired
cold and wet and sighing with the relief and the pain in our muscles
the next day our hair color would shift, green and tinged
and when the new night started
we could still smell the chlorine
take me back there
take me back to the swimming pool
back when there wasn't a crack in the sandy colored floor and the bottles weren't empty and broken and forgotten
silver cans crushed
cigarettes burnt to the filters
i see you now and i don't even know you anymore
the people around you, long haired and shiny and tall and strange
i;m just a trespasser
lurking in a place that used to be mine
it all got so fucked up
material things missing, voices raised, bruises in the morning and the one drink that was too many
truths, they come built to hurt sometimes
we just weren't ready i suppose
we were just children playing in our elders clothes and makeup
caked and loose
and we paid
didn't we
please
just take me back
march and april
so long ago
too late.
i haven't slept in two days. yesterday at about 11 am i finally tried to lay down and force sleep on myself but instead i ended up watching the power ranger movie and the food channel.
and here i am. still awake. urg.
i've been thinking of people lately. if you couldn't tell. and yes they are the ones you would expect me to miss and yes they are probably the same people you would slap me across the face for even mentioning. i don't know whats going on with me lately but i've been feeling this strong urge to pull them back. i sit here and my fingers itch with a need to write them and tell them things even though they wouldn't even open an email from me. i've done some horrible things to people and vice versa. its really hitting me now. i've been such a child in alot of ways. and a real assbag. but its all jumbled in my head and i cant even sort through the crime and the fallacy anymore. all i have now are the old sepia memory stains of people i have and have lost. little things about them that kill me and make me smile when i should be hugging or running. i've lost perception when it comes to people. i cant do that. everytime i do i end up left alone and crying or bleeding or fooled so bad i don't even realize. guards activated. checking perimeter. i'm still intact. they haven't gotten through. thank god. maybe now i can sleep. right. that would be way to easy. i was reading some old blogs from when i used to write on myspace. there's one where i list all my friends and why i love them. that was stupid. i think all of two are still standing with me. what a dumb ass i was. fuck. all stupid eyed and ready. again, fuck. my arm itches. i guess maybe i'm just scared now. i've gone through the dumb luck phase of finding friends and realized that you can't just drink and you can't just go to clubs and make like your 16 at this age. it's a little too late for that. but whos gonna take this girl? shes used, covered in scars, she has a sick sense of humor and she wont like your boyfriend or girlfriend. she tired. and its showing in the way she talks and walks. she sleeps too long, she has no motivation. sheesh, i dont even like me now. heh. nice one.
ugh i need to quit being such a tool.
like i said. im just exhausted.
fuckit.
at least i have my kittens and tom and my hasty art.
its something.
[right?]
i remember this feeling
this primal lust.
i've been drawing so much lately. working on the little comic blog has been such THERAPY.
i love waiting and wondering what i'm going to draw next. eating cold pizza and looking again and again over the ones i've posted so far. mine all mine. they give me that warm all over feeling of- remember? you used to be that person all the way through instead of this lady defrosting and trying to get back into the mix. remember. it used to be like this all day when you would wake up before noon and it would be raining. and you would walk straight to the easel and just get it all out. you used to care stephanie. but not about the things you do now. the good things. the soft things. the music and watching your wrist as it bent and your fingers as they blended.
i really have been trying. and its working.
today all i thought about what the shitty paint program on my parents computer and really finding a job so i can live, just live in michaels or herwecks.
all that paint.
all that canvas.
and me finally getting my feet under me so i can cover them with splatters and dust.
the wrinkles on my face are fading, and my mouth silently sings as i remember what im good at.
it't been the best day so far this year.
p.s
i have been posting to the art blog ALOT.
but i'll post some better stuff soon, as i have access to a sweet scanner/printer combo.
im excited.
and happy.
i've been drawing so much lately. working on the little comic blog has been such THERAPY.
i love waiting and wondering what i'm going to draw next. eating cold pizza and looking again and again over the ones i've posted so far. mine all mine. they give me that warm all over feeling of- remember? you used to be that person all the way through instead of this lady defrosting and trying to get back into the mix. remember. it used to be like this all day when you would wake up before noon and it would be raining. and you would walk straight to the easel and just get it all out. you used to care stephanie. but not about the things you do now. the good things. the soft things. the music and watching your wrist as it bent and your fingers as they blended.
i really have been trying. and its working.
today all i thought about what the shitty paint program on my parents computer and really finding a job so i can live, just live in michaels or herwecks.
all that paint.
all that canvas.
and me finally getting my feet under me so i can cover them with splatters and dust.
the wrinkles on my face are fading, and my mouth silently sings as i remember what im good at.
it't been the best day so far this year.
p.s
i have been posting to the art blog ALOT.
but i'll post some better stuff soon, as i have access to a sweet scanner/printer combo.
im excited.
and happy.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Rain
here in hot, ugly, unbearable san antonio it's raining.
[what a spectacle, me running out and getting the rabbit and its cage from under the tree]
i've been waiting for this, summer.
give me a storm.
[what a spectacle, me running out and getting the rabbit and its cage from under the tree]
i've been waiting for this, summer.
give me a storm.
couldnt sleep
so i made a blog just for my stupid drawings.
please to check it out. yes?
i have it listed: It's me or the Hot Dog.
[http://www.hoursaftermidnight.blogspot.com]
thank you,
.the management.
please to check it out. yes?
i have it listed: It's me or the Hot Dog.
[http://www.hoursaftermidnight.blogspot.com]
thank you,
.the management.
Monday, June 30, 2008
the sounds, sweating, the stinging, and other s words.
[all pictures have been moved]
hello monday afternoon. aren't you pretty. blazing texas sun and squirrels dancing around beams of light to avoid catching on fire. i'm pretty sure i could bitch about the heat everyday. and im almost positive i will. i hate my dad right now for buying this leather chair knowing his air conditioner is SHIT. thanks dad.
hello monday evening. your no better, wipe that smug look off your face.
ok so it took me like an hour to draw that shitty picture. [ of me and the hot dog] embarrassed.
i also did matt and jon.
[but im proud of those... i think i really got them]
people have such interesting faces. i love the looks and the lines and the eyelashes. they give out such power. i love the way matthew always looks so pissed+ complacent+sad. and jon has the sharp edges on his face of a man with a heavy mind and the eyes that always seem to say, you know your pretty fucking stupid.
theyre just plain fun to draw. even in the dirty wavering hand of mind.
even with this mind wrecking headache.
i sent the dolls another one of toms pictures. i hope they respond. they set up a page of art that they couldnt identify. i didnt see his. its a little disappointing to see the other artists and know that tom is so much better.
he needs the boost. needs to hear how amazing he is when he just draws. but he hasnt drawn anything in months. its really quite sad.
ah well.
its too hot to go on.
im gonna go sweat now.
eew.
hello monday afternoon. aren't you pretty. blazing texas sun and squirrels dancing around beams of light to avoid catching on fire. i'm pretty sure i could bitch about the heat everyday. and im almost positive i will. i hate my dad right now for buying this leather chair knowing his air conditioner is SHIT. thanks dad.
hello monday evening. your no better, wipe that smug look off your face.
ok so it took me like an hour to draw that shitty picture. [ of me and the hot dog] embarrassed.
i also did matt and jon.
[but im proud of those... i think i really got them]
people have such interesting faces. i love the looks and the lines and the eyelashes. they give out such power. i love the way matthew always looks so pissed+ complacent+sad. and jon has the sharp edges on his face of a man with a heavy mind and the eyes that always seem to say, you know your pretty fucking stupid.
theyre just plain fun to draw. even in the dirty wavering hand of mind.
even with this mind wrecking headache.
i sent the dolls another one of toms pictures. i hope they respond. they set up a page of art that they couldnt identify. i didnt see his. its a little disappointing to see the other artists and know that tom is so much better.
he needs the boost. needs to hear how amazing he is when he just draws. but he hasnt drawn anything in months. its really quite sad.
ah well.
its too hot to go on.
im gonna go sweat now.
eew.
exhausted
june is ending.
our nation is at the height of its fucktardism stage.
i'm starting work tomorrow on a painting.
i'm growing out my nails so i can slash peoples throats.
im growing my hair out so no one will call me sir ever again.
i'm burnt out at 23.
i need opinions to feed on.
i need you to
feed my narcissism.
ill repay you with plastic playpen balls and shifty eyes.
i think tonight i'm going to sleep happy.
ill find something interesting to blog about soon.
homework.
i know some of you read with vigor.
could you do me a favor?
use the paint program and draw me something.
even if you SUCK at art. please?
i need the inspiration.
even if its only a pie chart about oil or something. [jon]
email it to me, or paste it in the comments.
it'll mean the world to this artist. she loves it.
ugh.
i have to put the cats out.
our nation is at the height of its fucktardism stage.
i'm starting work tomorrow on a painting.
i'm growing out my nails so i can slash peoples throats.
im growing my hair out so no one will call me sir ever again.
i'm burnt out at 23.
i need opinions to feed on.
i need you to
feed my narcissism.
ill repay you with plastic playpen balls and shifty eyes.
i think tonight i'm going to sleep happy.
ill find something interesting to blog about soon.
homework.
i know some of you read with vigor.
could you do me a favor?
use the paint program and draw me something.
even if you SUCK at art. please?
i need the inspiration.
even if its only a pie chart about oil or something. [jon]
email it to me, or paste it in the comments.
it'll mean the world to this artist. she loves it.
ugh.
i have to put the cats out.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
better
tom is coming over.
i cant wait to see him for some reason and i just saw him yesterday.
i put the rabbit out on her line today. its cute. shes digging and running and i'm sure that she doesn't even realize shes on a leash, which could be sad if you put it into some kind of context.
i want sushi.
i want christmas.
i want symbols of happiness and a sense of full.
mostly i want scrabble and someones ass to wipe the board with.
maybe a tattoo gun so me and tom can open our business.
today i want to be a tattoo artist.
yesterday i wanted to sew pretty clothes.
tomorrow i think ill paint a mural.
im exhausted. a little drained from being sick and angry and other such uncontrollable things.
i should lie down. and wait.
maybe the realization does come like a ton of bricks. subtle was always a stupid color anyway.
i cant wait to see him for some reason and i just saw him yesterday.
i put the rabbit out on her line today. its cute. shes digging and running and i'm sure that she doesn't even realize shes on a leash, which could be sad if you put it into some kind of context.
i want sushi.
i want christmas.
i want symbols of happiness and a sense of full.
mostly i want scrabble and someones ass to wipe the board with.
maybe a tattoo gun so me and tom can open our business.
today i want to be a tattoo artist.
yesterday i wanted to sew pretty clothes.
tomorrow i think ill paint a mural.
im exhausted. a little drained from being sick and angry and other such uncontrollable things.
i should lie down. and wait.
maybe the realization does come like a ton of bricks. subtle was always a stupid color anyway.
dear anyone, care of the interweb
its about that time. when i look for small silver things, put the music on way too loud, go into iso mode and wonder what the hell is going on. out there and in here.
kanye west is a fucking poet. christ. too bad hes also a douche bag. its ok. hes got me moving in this chair. got me feeling gangsta without a clue. got me smiling.
lately i've been avoiding my roommate. and subtle guy he is he calls me on it. it was awkward needless to say when he poked his head out of the door while i was smoking and asked. so, where have you been? i never see you anymore, you avoiding me? um. no.... ive been sick. and at my dads. um no thanks i don't want a shot, no its ok really, ugh, fine. make it a small one.
[5 shots later i was throwing up and cursing because i really was sick, sweet]
im at my parents house for the next two days. alone. i have no cigarettes, too much coffee and sugar, this computer and the house has a bad roach problem. god help me.
i typed a dream here then accidentally erased it. go me.
whats up with this headache? you've been here for 4 days now. you creep and stab when i move my eyes or when i try to eat. fun.
i wish someone would call me right now. this house is big. and scary and making noises i don't recognize. i miss my apt and the xbox and my dumb ass cats already.
help me im lost in my own physical pain and sabotage.
but what could you do, eh?
hmm.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
thoughts
In no particular order.
i love paint. simple, pixel saturated paint.
I saw Wall-e today. It was so good. For all of you who come here for the way I say fuck and the anger you may want to back away from the coming rush of cute. I cried at the beginning, the middle and the end. The kids around me thought I was crazy. And a little gay. Oh well. The movie itself was actually very adult themed. It was downright scary in its first half hour and a little sad for those of us who could see past the pretty animation and the cute little robot. The empty world, the trash, the billboards and the way he would keep little things for himself instead of crushing and stacking them as was his directive. Then there were the people. The way we were portrayed. I don’t care if I spoil it for you or not. You can stop reading. but we were fleshy and boneless and useless and it seemed to fit the direction we are heading in as far as the human race and its need to be hands free, thought free, and engorged on instant gratification. No I’m not looking to far into this movie. You should have seen it. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. Yes it was pretty and the love story made me want to just shit puppies and rainbows, but there was an ominous cloud of this might be coming floating just above the pixar goodness. I dunno. Go see it. It’s a must. You’ll love it.
I’ve been sick for the last 24 hours. Chills and headaches and sick stomach and all kinds of badness. Urg.
some quick notes:
Way to go Obama, writing checks and being stupid. I had faith in you. Jerk.
Way to go Supreme Court. No more death penalty for baby rapers? Good job.
Way to go price of oil. What is it now? 140 a barrel? Fuck. Everybody on the slide.
I’m not going into the rest of those thoughts. It’s too exhausting.
finish them for me.
I really feel to sick.
More blogs later. If I’m not dead.
Pray for your narcissism.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
head sick
last night i got drunk and talked my ass off.
i had this really interesting and deep thing going on you know?
i woke up and i might as well have dreamed it. i said some of the coolest shit. i think i may be getting to the point where im gonna become that asshole with the little tape recorder. and every now and again ill hold it up to you and say, what what? punch me in the face all you want. i'm getting there damnit.
useless.
a list.
i am
-hungover
-a little pissed off at America at the moment. ready to pack my bags and don a white flag and say you know its im giving up. abandon ship.
-listening to music that makes me want to break old lady faces and bleed my throat after tearing up my jeans and spiking my hair while going back in time to the 80's.
-trying to make sense of what i said. what did i say? fuck!
-remembering that day in the red room when i met that girl and her hips and her eye makeup and her hands were all over me by the end of the night. the fondest of memories sound so dirty but i swear, she changed my life. she looked me in the eyes and said, wait, but then i was being dragged to a car. hmmm.
-putting music on this blog to annoy you. fuckit.
-missing my brother. so bad. its an everyday thing you know. wish it would just get better.
-finding it difficult to understand what people say sometimes. mostly its just buzzing and static.
-feeling silly for sitting in the living room and talking to the cat.
-thinking about the birds. this morning as i sat on the car and smoked and rambled i looked up and the sun was coming up. and all these birds started flying from behind me and whooshing forward. i believe in omens and symbolism and those birds were telling me something.
-aware that i'm slowly moving towards being old and withered. the time has come for action! action and rebellion and lies and writing and the beautiful joy that is getting on with life.
excited? me?
well yeah.
wouldn't you be if you were living in a semi free nation you hate at the legal age to commit all the thomas j foolery you want?
yeah.
i'm liking to today.
knocked up and pathetic, a phone call, and a dream
ATTENTION: This blog contains adult themes such as abortion, sex among teens, ignorant government, timid/harsh parents, and news media.
You have been warned.
Grab your junk, ignore the bad grammar, and read on, or get the fuck out.
last night i was laying in bed melting and cranky with heat and too many pillows and watching some dime a dozen news show on cnn. they were talking about all sorts of nonsensical happenings and whatnot but when they came the story of the day i sat up and gave them my full pissed off attention.
man on tv: teen pregnancy. pacts? promises? crying in the hallways over a negative reading? whats happening to todays youth?
he went on to say that with the glamorization of teens getting knocked up and parents and schools talking more and more about sex, well we've dug our own hole.
i laughed out loud.
that creepy laughing alone type thing you have to do when you hear something so fucking outrageous.
he went on: its movies like juno, sitcoms, and overly understanding parents. we're making it too easy for our kids to screw up. why does the media do this to us?
kill me. gag me. are you kidding me?
i actually got up out out of bed and scribbled notes on my arm in the dark.
'write about teens fucking, babies, media, and stupid fucking people.'
so here i am.
firstly blaming the media is never your way out. sorry folks its just not their fault that YOU cant take it for what it is and not some fucking users manual for life. juno is a movie, jamie lynn is a dumbass, and you need to buck up and talk to your fucking kids about sex, the herps, and the fact that if they have kids now they can wave bye bye to getting too drunk in college, having a career, avoiding wrinkles and other such required childhood happenings for someone to be normal. tell them what happens to the vagina in process or that theyre hips could break or kill the baby on the way out. i dunno. im not good with words for kids.
in my head the reporter goes on: some parents are encouraging their children to go on with the pregnancy. they promise to help them through it and shelter them. to love them no matter what. are we doing this to ourselves?
YES. we are. what happened to this country? back in the day if you got knocked up you were sent away or you had a date with a coat hanger. there was shame, sweet beautiful shame once. and now our mothers are bleach blonde and 32 with a 16 year old and a 15 year old and theyre all wearing matching "fuck me" shirts. jesus h. we may need a national abortion day soon. with a coupon in the paper. maybe then we could get this mind fucking idiocy under control. maybe its parents that need a class nowadays. a class on not being blind or complacent. our kids need to feel like there is shame and wrongness in sex at a certain age. and only you can do it america. get on it.
in my head the reporter goes on: its our schools! our gov! they have created a sex saturated environment! condom talks at 14?! how could they? sex ed classes are worthless.
my hands cover my head and i consider suicide as the only option to stopping the migraine. sex ed classes are a godsend. for all the ignorant parents and all the poor orphan children who have no warm comforting guardian to help them realize something: we live in a world soaked in sex. if they dont hear about it in school, theyre gonna see it on spike, abc, or some other soft core porn station. if maury has proved anything our kids are fucking, sucking and getting aids. and what are we doing? going on a witch hunt for the only thing thats gonna save them? let me tell you a story. little stephanie starts 5th grade. she gets a permission slip one day and takes it home to her parents. they sign it and tell her to pay attention. she goes to class the next day and is ushered into the nurses office where she and 20 other kids watch a movie on sex, childbirth, love, bras and keeping safe. she leaves the class a little befuddled. her parents answer questions when she gets home. she goes on to become a smart, semi confident young woman and she doesnt get knocked up or contract any stds. the end.
in conclusion: teen pregnancy is an epidemic. i know. i live in san antonio. and only when parents, the schools and the government realize this will there be any chance of saving face. we need the sex ed, we need our parents to have balls and we need to put a picture of a giant smiling condom on the fronts of cereal boxes.
or you could just give me a syringe of local anesthetic and a staple gun and let me take care of this.
think it over, yea?
anyway, as i sit here and try to calm down i should mention the dream i had last night. its too long so, the condensed version:
-i was a prisoner, chained in a hallway waiting for my turn to be tortured. i can hear a child screaming somewhere and im getting nervous. a man walks by and leans over me, laughing. another man comes by later and unchains me and in a low voice tells me to follow him. im in his car. he tells me im not real and that i shouldnt be scared, i have powers that he or the powers at be could only hope to have. im a robot. i start to cry. were driving into this apt complex now, up a steep hill and over steeper speed bumps. we pass little corner stores built in to the complex and there are children and sad looking people everywhere. suddenly a car pulls in front of us and a woman gets out and starts shooting at the car. a man from the crowd jumps in front of her and she shoots him down. black fluid pours from him and i know that same stuff is in me too. i pass out. and wake up.
[i had a shorter dream after that that had ninjas and a swimming pools and frying pans in it. yeah.]
earlier tonight my best friend called me squealing and gagging and asking me "did you really eat that?" as she watched bizarre foods with andrew zimmern. i laughed at her noises and told her yes. andrew zimmern was in the philippines and he was eating market food. little eggs with baby ducks inside and chicken feet on a stick and purple yam ice cream and such. i lived there for three years and back then i was too young to realize that maybe some of the things i was eating were a little more than a little weird. im jealous of my parents. i wish i was in manila with them right now. i have such fond memories of that place. my first day of school, a volcano eruption and the chicken pox. sigh.
ive had enough blogtastic adventures for tonight i think. im exhausted.
p.s send your angry emails to anyone but me. i dont care what you have to say. just saying.
You have been warned.
Grab your junk, ignore the bad grammar, and read on, or get the fuck out.
last night i was laying in bed melting and cranky with heat and too many pillows and watching some dime a dozen news show on cnn. they were talking about all sorts of nonsensical happenings and whatnot but when they came the story of the day i sat up and gave them my full pissed off attention.
man on tv: teen pregnancy. pacts? promises? crying in the hallways over a negative reading? whats happening to todays youth?
he went on to say that with the glamorization of teens getting knocked up and parents and schools talking more and more about sex, well we've dug our own hole.
i laughed out loud.
that creepy laughing alone type thing you have to do when you hear something so fucking outrageous.
he went on: its movies like juno, sitcoms, and overly understanding parents. we're making it too easy for our kids to screw up. why does the media do this to us?
kill me. gag me. are you kidding me?
i actually got up out out of bed and scribbled notes on my arm in the dark.
'write about teens fucking, babies, media, and stupid fucking people.'
so here i am.
firstly blaming the media is never your way out. sorry folks its just not their fault that YOU cant take it for what it is and not some fucking users manual for life. juno is a movie, jamie lynn is a dumbass, and you need to buck up and talk to your fucking kids about sex, the herps, and the fact that if they have kids now they can wave bye bye to getting too drunk in college, having a career, avoiding wrinkles and other such required childhood happenings for someone to be normal. tell them what happens to the vagina in process or that theyre hips could break or kill the baby on the way out. i dunno. im not good with words for kids.
in my head the reporter goes on: some parents are encouraging their children to go on with the pregnancy. they promise to help them through it and shelter them. to love them no matter what. are we doing this to ourselves?
YES. we are. what happened to this country? back in the day if you got knocked up you were sent away or you had a date with a coat hanger. there was shame, sweet beautiful shame once. and now our mothers are bleach blonde and 32 with a 16 year old and a 15 year old and theyre all wearing matching "fuck me" shirts. jesus h. we may need a national abortion day soon. with a coupon in the paper. maybe then we could get this mind fucking idiocy under control. maybe its parents that need a class nowadays. a class on not being blind or complacent. our kids need to feel like there is shame and wrongness in sex at a certain age. and only you can do it america. get on it.
in my head the reporter goes on: its our schools! our gov! they have created a sex saturated environment! condom talks at 14?! how could they? sex ed classes are worthless.
my hands cover my head and i consider suicide as the only option to stopping the migraine. sex ed classes are a godsend. for all the ignorant parents and all the poor orphan children who have no warm comforting guardian to help them realize something: we live in a world soaked in sex. if they dont hear about it in school, theyre gonna see it on spike, abc, or some other soft core porn station. if maury has proved anything our kids are fucking, sucking and getting aids. and what are we doing? going on a witch hunt for the only thing thats gonna save them? let me tell you a story. little stephanie starts 5th grade. she gets a permission slip one day and takes it home to her parents. they sign it and tell her to pay attention. she goes to class the next day and is ushered into the nurses office where she and 20 other kids watch a movie on sex, childbirth, love, bras and keeping safe. she leaves the class a little befuddled. her parents answer questions when she gets home. she goes on to become a smart, semi confident young woman and she doesnt get knocked up or contract any stds. the end.
in conclusion: teen pregnancy is an epidemic. i know. i live in san antonio. and only when parents, the schools and the government realize this will there be any chance of saving face. we need the sex ed, we need our parents to have balls and we need to put a picture of a giant smiling condom on the fronts of cereal boxes.
or you could just give me a syringe of local anesthetic and a staple gun and let me take care of this.
think it over, yea?
anyway, as i sit here and try to calm down i should mention the dream i had last night. its too long so, the condensed version:
-i was a prisoner, chained in a hallway waiting for my turn to be tortured. i can hear a child screaming somewhere and im getting nervous. a man walks by and leans over me, laughing. another man comes by later and unchains me and in a low voice tells me to follow him. im in his car. he tells me im not real and that i shouldnt be scared, i have powers that he or the powers at be could only hope to have. im a robot. i start to cry. were driving into this apt complex now, up a steep hill and over steeper speed bumps. we pass little corner stores built in to the complex and there are children and sad looking people everywhere. suddenly a car pulls in front of us and a woman gets out and starts shooting at the car. a man from the crowd jumps in front of her and she shoots him down. black fluid pours from him and i know that same stuff is in me too. i pass out. and wake up.
[i had a shorter dream after that that had ninjas and a swimming pools and frying pans in it. yeah.]
earlier tonight my best friend called me squealing and gagging and asking me "did you really eat that?" as she watched bizarre foods with andrew zimmern. i laughed at her noises and told her yes. andrew zimmern was in the philippines and he was eating market food. little eggs with baby ducks inside and chicken feet on a stick and purple yam ice cream and such. i lived there for three years and back then i was too young to realize that maybe some of the things i was eating were a little more than a little weird. im jealous of my parents. i wish i was in manila with them right now. i have such fond memories of that place. my first day of school, a volcano eruption and the chicken pox. sigh.
ive had enough blogtastic adventures for tonight i think. im exhausted.
p.s send your angry emails to anyone but me. i dont care what you have to say. just saying.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
conversation
he said: i knew something was up.
she said: i warned you before.
he said: you're a horrible person.
she said: so?
he said: is there a way for me to get through?
she said: you wish.
he said: what will i do?
she said: i'm not too worried about it.
she said: i warned you before.
he said: you're a horrible person.
she said: so?
he said: is there a way for me to get through?
she said: you wish.
he said: what will i do?
she said: i'm not too worried about it.
but she didnt order anything
it came in the mail. on a thursday.
she stood in the doorway just looking at the mailman as he held it out to her.
when she took it he laughed and fled.
the box shifted.
she sat at her table and picked at the vinyl tablecloth.
the fruits on it seemed to say, "well?"
one string, two strings, they wrapped around her fingers as she pullllllled.
the box shifted.
plain brown cardboard and a simple white sticker.
she leaned in, she could almost make it out....
hmmm. i wonder what it said.
today im going to clean my apt and the chinchilla cage and wonder why i dont have any pop over friends.
something about this head ache and the stuffy heat in here. why doesnt it just rain.
i had a dream last night. i was planning my friends wedding and it was happening at a huge amusement park in the mountains. he told me what he wanted and who he wanted to be there and i took care of everything. at the same time i was the only security for the park itself. i was chasing bad guys and puching them over cliffs and running down huge stone bridges. afterwards i would go back to wedding planning. later in a huge room i was trying to find the maid of honor while teaching everyone to dance. i woke up exhausted and wondering where i would get white doves at this hour.
[for fun i got this dream analyzed on line. apparently someone has taken advantage of me and im trying to fix it while trying to find love and somehow restore the joy and such in my life. huh.]
ive been reading my textbooks like crazy. i feel like i dont even need to take the classes im signed up for in the fall. ugh. why cant i just wait for things?
seriously. i need to win the lottery.
i finally talked to my parents. they havent gotten swept away by an angry philippino sea after all.
i miss california. i wish i could visit.
after considerable thought, yes, i am hungry.
i think ill have a smoke.
maybe enjoy the rest of the day.
well see.
she stood in the doorway just looking at the mailman as he held it out to her.
when she took it he laughed and fled.
the box shifted.
she sat at her table and picked at the vinyl tablecloth.
the fruits on it seemed to say, "well?"
one string, two strings, they wrapped around her fingers as she pullllllled.
the box shifted.
plain brown cardboard and a simple white sticker.
she leaned in, she could almost make it out....
hmmm. i wonder what it said.
today im going to clean my apt and the chinchilla cage and wonder why i dont have any pop over friends.
something about this head ache and the stuffy heat in here. why doesnt it just rain.
i had a dream last night. i was planning my friends wedding and it was happening at a huge amusement park in the mountains. he told me what he wanted and who he wanted to be there and i took care of everything. at the same time i was the only security for the park itself. i was chasing bad guys and puching them over cliffs and running down huge stone bridges. afterwards i would go back to wedding planning. later in a huge room i was trying to find the maid of honor while teaching everyone to dance. i woke up exhausted and wondering where i would get white doves at this hour.
[for fun i got this dream analyzed on line. apparently someone has taken advantage of me and im trying to fix it while trying to find love and somehow restore the joy and such in my life. huh.]
ive been reading my textbooks like crazy. i feel like i dont even need to take the classes im signed up for in the fall. ugh. why cant i just wait for things?
seriously. i need to win the lottery.
i finally talked to my parents. they havent gotten swept away by an angry philippino sea after all.
i miss california. i wish i could visit.
after considerable thought, yes, i am hungry.
i think ill have a smoke.
maybe enjoy the rest of the day.
well see.
fannypacks
are for douche bags.
they scream rob me in fluorescent pink and yellows.
and they don't hid your gut as well as you might like.
fannypacks.
geez.
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