27.11.07

just a little bit.

and no the missing part of the title is not "wiggle it"

urg. it seems like myspace is a great place for revenge or cheap shots. and for some reason it works. every time. maybe im just too dramatic like craig says. or maybe i just need to stop getting on the damn thing. too many maybes and nothing gets done.
heres me. slumped over the keys, staring outside at the monster my puppy has become. too much hair. i still remember when i shaved you.
talked to turkey today. its strange to hear his voice and the pauses and the sarcasm. i thought for sure i could compare him to anyone else but the way his voice curves is all his own. i miss him.
thank you, US Army. for fucking up all my friends.

anyway.

ive been working alot lately. doing alot of people watching. secretly lusting. too much walking. staring down defiant children. calling ambulances.
you know.
the usual.
[ouch. i hate it when the food looks so good then your burning your tongue and now you cant taste anything]
fun fun.
i keep thinking about last thanksgiving.
why does it suck this bad when im so much better off.
goddamn it why cant i lay off myself for a few days. just relax. im always in this state of self made chaos. hrm.
i should be wrapping this up.

i have to drive across town and see a face that makes me hurt alot lately.
i wish we could just settle this.
but its all material, and im nothing aesthetic.

[hot hot hot]

10.11.07

homework, lost weeks, cigarettes

im at Gs house. shes working on a print. i like watching other people when their artistically posessed. even if its only for a moment.
today i bought tom paints, canvas, and a 25 piece brush set. its my only way of apologizing for making shit at work this week. bah. maybe its time for a new job.
but im getting way ahead of myself.
you see im here to catch you up.
the messages and the where are yous are piling up.
im not one to let worry.

the past few weeks have been your usual up and down type of time. ive seen faces i never wanted to see again. ive told someone off. ive seperated from people. ive walked like ive never walked before. ive kissed tom. ive started sudoku years after the trend was what it was. ive started to get comfortable in my new place. ive had a long lost 5 am with jon at our old spot.
ive been well you know.
here.
its only been recently thought that ive realized just how much i miss writing. and you all know how much i gripe about the "tried and true" pen and paper bullshit. i wish i had a way to think blogs into existence. if i did you'd all have more to read and i swear a more interesting day if im not being tooo narcissistic.
its just something about twisting things into being pretty without giving away all the good part. smell, taste... you know, the physical. its about letting people walk with me through my observations and rants and letting them put it all together and pick every color themselves. i like that thought. sure i dont have a following like i used to. [i used to be quite the blogger back in the day] but i guess it doesnt matter.

[im going on and on and on]

anyway.

i miss this. i miss you reading this.

whoever you are.

maybe ill be back.

maybe itll be soon.

till then.