3.8.11

apple soda, marty snoring, and i'm wide awake and completely exhausted.

[stop it, girl, you are doing it again.]
picking at your nails and chewing chewing chewing.

blasting music and singing in the shower i am free for my favorite 15 minutes of the day. voice cracking, wet hair in my face, sticking to my cheeks. becoming clean. water meets body and i just throw my face up in the spray. besides dreaming, i could live in a shower.

weird, i know...

i've been thinking about medication again. i think its time to find out what my options are. i've been needing the cutting more and more lately. it usually happens this way, when i become unhappy with my current relationships, i start work, or i need my privacy and space and have none.
all of those things are happening right now.
i'm anxious and unsettled. it's like my lovely last blog explains. havoc.
so i think it's time to try one more time, to go out on my own.
i'm terrified and i don't know maybe i'll just wait for [] to leave to the navy and come back. but something needs to change NOW.

aaahhh my stomach is twisting. viciously.

my brains laughs softly at my feeble attempts to maintain composure :/