16.6.10

admission

this year has become a listing. a series of events. several colors. unexpected. the usual up and down broken by an attempt to change, creativity faltering around tiny pink cased heavy metals, and im used up, quiet, awake.

i write it all out and delete it.

a list

-i checked myself into a clinic this year. the bipolar cannot win. they put me on lithium. im not taking it anymore. i know, i know.
-my engagement falling apart led me to jaymes. im on board. i hope he can manage to keep up. i kick. and i am damaged in ways that cannot be undone or understood.
-this year made me believe that shit can happen for a reason. maybe the chaotic twirling i had imagined was just me trying to make excuses for a life im not in control of.
-politics have been making me sick.
-i quit smoking. im serious.
-i have a really good reason for the last line.
-i am still exhausted. i cant keep my eyes open, i want bed all the time.
-i stopped then started painting again.
-i miss blogging.

-cupcakes?




bear with me.


rebooting in process.



growth expected.



hearty handshake.

this maybe is real

what a terrifying few months.

im ok. no worries. well some worries. high fives? no no no, not yet.

ugh i cant tell you yet. stop asking.

ill be back soon.