sunlight in the winter

it's warm by the window, the sun is lying to me through plastic and over piled blankets.
coming off of two blissful weeks, medicated and warmly buzzing with tender touches, I hope for the best. but I already miss the burn in my throat, the veil falling over my face, being stable and happy with a little help.
the world shimmers and pulses, his touch is electric in the light of my stretching self confidence and perception. like for a second, I am actually what he thinks I am. there is no ominous shake around the edges, no falling into caves at the end of the night. I'll hold these memories, try to stand tall on my own.
I'm sure I sound silly, my words come out funny, I dream deeply and wake up chattering.

I just wish it wasn't so much work.

to make myself shelf stable.

free.