Tuesday, February 27, 2007

another 3 am

im a little disgruntled at coming home to a house filled with the world of warcraft. hmm.
im joking. [partially]
work has been buzzing along. i feel a little intimidated at some of the people who call up and tell me its ok that their room witll be 3 hundred and something a night. people who just want to come and drop quarters and nickels into a machine that spins colorful pictures and does little or nothing else. a call, this one call, from girl with my mothers name and a year in age from me. i get shivers when she drops her credit card and laughs like glass. a girl who can get away. somewhere. anywhere. taken care of. hmm. their voices are in there now. i hear beeps and hear them. people just waiting to die and longing to leave nothing behind. its kind of creepy and a little disheartening. when we get old will we be this way. having nothing but slot machines and cold nurses changing our sheets? bringing us pudding to choke on and calling for buses out to the desert?
everything all of the time and such.
the end of our line.
here, i feel tingles in my left arm and see faces from the day.
i say things a little too bluntly. it offsets people i can see it in their eyes sometimes. i never mean to be cruel or anything. i never mean to scare them away.
sometimes i just say things you know. i look too hard you see. i just cant help it. if i ever ask you for information it may be best not to tell me much. i may get the copper taste in my mouth and search for the warm spot where it rests. and if i get there, well it may be too much for your average stranger. trust me. i meet people at work. as you do. with most new jobs. and i think some may already have a weird aspect. i pry. and i let them do the same. im above hiding things now. and i swear if one more person asks about my arm i may just sit them down and spill for good. and leave them crying with a glaze over their hearts and a hope full of holes. i never mean to. it just happens.
its been so nice out. the sky and the sun have really been coming through.
there are dried and burned bugs up in the vent in my bathroom. every time i turn the heater on they quiver just a little. and then lie still. makes you wonder how slow and painful that was, one second travelling to a delicious light and the next being the point of sick fascination to a girl in the shower. like the bird, i dont think they mind much.
bending things like say, truths and certain tiny metal objects can be a great stress reliever and a fun mind excercise.
wherever it is i want to be there.
i have to get off the com now. WOW beckons the tiny boy minds of my current company.

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