21.5.07

recently revised

its 6:12 am
every night we seem to stay out later and later.

work is going to fucking blow tomorrow. sweet.

at least tonight we did our starbucks proud with an actual conversation that wasnt about everyone else at starbucks. god. we're those lame kids that go there every night. yet i wouldnt give it up for anything.
books books books. i need more books. and more thought provoking talks and musings. i need this.
im really scared about california.
fuck! im fucking tired. i want to blog soo bad.
ah well.


[in addition]

it is now about 8:48 in the morning. ive found myself unable to sleep and full on the morning. me and abe started to watch Tideland before he left to work, its a weird movie co-written and directed by the 5th member of the monty python clan, terry gilliam.
the movie is unnerving and beautiful and even has an intro from the director where he states, some of you may not like this movie, some of you may find it lovely, and some of you wont know what to think, but at least youll be thinking. wonderful. i suggest everyone see this movie.
today i am going to give my hours to a friend from work. me and duane are going to take the dog to petsmart and have him bathed and trimmed. hell be much happier, and we [the two humans] will have some time to talk.
i really should have slept, but too many of my mornings are stolen and wasted on tiresome shifts and disturbing dreams. i need to change this. change. hmm. what a concept. easier said than done.
coffee has me twitching and a stranger in the shower calls my attention. this stranger was once someone very close to me. we have since seperated and lost what spark once floated between us. there is seemingly nothing left except a breathless friendship waiting to be comforted and resuscitated. its all up to us now. and im not one for losing friends.
[i feel so .... helpless]
im trying to talk myself into something today. im doing the dance yet the bells and whistles are silent by my side. my handicapps. my weights to bear and drag. bearing down on my thought and making it impossible to wade through all that invades me in every way. hmm.
pretty.
"squirrel butts dont glooow."
i realize that i am always in a state of fear of being found out.
go on. try to figure it out.
fucking issues.
we go hand in hand eh?



it is now 9:58am

time flies and so on. but maybe without its usual ending.
im feel like washing something. cleansing and scraping. the dishes call my name here and i cringe at their tinny voices and promises of wrinkled fingers and greenish foam. if i must i must.

the same goes for ending this blog.


good day interweb.

[hello real life]

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