whaaaaaat?

just sayin.

im at my dads right now. doesnt seem fair that im always here but i do enjoy his company so. plus we're watching E's most shocking moments in entertainment history. heh. yes we're lame. no i dont care.

i had a weird dream last night. something strange and comforting about a certain person in it made me wonder how it was all happening so fast and so real. there was a buffet and a dance floor and a boat in the end and several high high jumps. bah it doesnt make any sense in main point form but it doesnt bother me. i was there. i woke up at 7 shuddering and laughing. i woke up again almost screaming after falling into the water. i woke up yet again holding his hand begging him to protect me.

how very strange. i dream hard.

oh funny thing. as some of you know our toilets have been shitty lately. "har har". but this morning they work just fine. its nice to remember how to flush a toilet all over again. [gross tidbit, i know]

[my dad is yelling at the tv. you see, he doesnt want to go to the store without seeing the number 1 most shocking event, heh, cute]

god its hotttt.

so lately ive been struggling with my head. if you have read my older blogs im sure you can gather im not all that okay up there. after the stay i had to endure i dont want a repeat but i dont know what to do. im just anxiety, im only questions, im all sharp edges and where to use them. my wrist burns, my fingers are sore and all i can think about is the broken glass falling from the picture frame onto my bed. sigh.
your right abe, i am morbid.
but not because i want to be.
its my nature.
its my comfort zone.

bah.

you know its not that im not having fun in the world. swear. im usually very happy. i just worry too much. i think the happy thoughts but never really get off the ground. its a harsh reality im sure, and one that i will have to deal with. but still. i should be ok.
should be.
i mean, i have [someone] in my head right now that could make me smile with a single nudity reference. hrm. plus he wears suspenders.
you say nobody misses you.
well...

hm.

[sidebar- oj simpson was number 1. my dad was disappointed]

im blogged out.

sigh