4.9.07

urrrrrrg

a few questions.

on this strange rainy day.

part of me has been thinking hard on some of the goings on of my age group. us middle agers. us 20 somethingers. maybe its the weird mood im in today. that self loathing mode i love so much. dont get me wrong- on any other day it would be all the same if not for that single pixeled line of fascism present on the clouds of my mind this afternoon. and hey, i am in NO way a fascist but right now it feels like anything would be simpler than giving these filthy idiots [my peers as it were] total control of their own lives. anything that would stop the borderline retardation that is my generation. and im not saying complete fascist regime or anything im only saying stop the insanity people. or we'll shoot you. thats all. its things like thick lipstick and black gloves in the winter. its things like genre racism and total social protocal. its the lovely fucking things like trivial pursuit and douche-opoly. this is my platform people. what are we doing?
its like we have a dance. sure, we have a fun things we like to call existence. but its getting stranger. at least this is what i think just by observing the more recent group ive been exposed to.

people arent people anymore. their like posters on a middle school wall. covered in glitter and eager to please.

heres us keeping our backs to the walls, trying desperately to avoid all that is "mainstream". after all we have to be obscure to be anything. right?

heres us kissing and touching. its the new handshake. the new straightforward lie. its our new calling card.

heres us laughing and laughing and laughing until the buzz wears off or the drugs hit inflation.

heres us.

and heres my jaded opinion.
get your hands off me, i know im not making sense but for fucks sake doesnt anyone just talk anymore? its always a well timed joke or a silly anectdote. people are looking up their personalities online and selling the old ones to the younger crowd. love interests are spending hours making nice with the mirror only to go home smeared and crying and a little less loved or interested. urrrg. i wish i could structure my thoughts.

[its just. when did "awkward" become a sexual quality? a desired on at that?]
[when did people stop staring and asking questions?]
[when did the punk revolution make its said "comeback"?]

when did i stop finding this all amusing and start being a little scared?

you really shouldnt mind me. im a simple girl with a bitterly poetic view. as much as i question it- it wont mean that ill stop taking part. i love the pink lights and the dizzy headed conversations around the 40's and the goings on. its all just thoughts.

its all just semi interesting to talk about on a day full of picking myself apart.

who knows. im tired. and andrew says im going to blow up if i dont tell him where his mom and the spies are.

heh.

that is all.

end.

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