its been a long time, but finally, a dream

its a little choppy and i just fell out of a sort of bed so ill ignore my back and eat a cookie and get it out.

it starts with me going to a huge house on a hill with family. im probably a little older than i am now, maybe 30. the house is old and everyone is milling on the porch waiting for the cue to go inside. we are visiting and uncle. hes very old and we have to be gentle with words and hugs, so says the head woman of our group. i dont recognize anyone. am i related to these people? we finally filter in, the rooms are dimly lit by strong outside light through heavy gauze like curtains. dust and and a stale taste are prominent. the bottom floor is very open. like a loft. with support beams and very few walls. in the largest room of the first floor there are children running. a dusty christmas tree is sagging against one of support beams. i walk through this room looking around me trying to find something familiar in the faces. by the tree i see a teenage girl pulling down a string of lights that had been stapled to the ceiling. a young boy is near her and she holds the lights out to him. they crackle and buzz and flicker on and off. my stomach turns. i find another room, this one full of adults. they stand around a bed with a heavy wooden frame and too frilly lace blankets. a small man lays in the bed. this must be the person we are here to see. the adults stand around him like disciples, leaning in and touching him every so often, though he never says a word. i want to leave now but as i turn to get out i hear the little boy from earlier screaming. the teenage girl runs past me in the hallway with smoke billowing from her liek she is on fire. shes crying i think but theres no time. in the main room the boy is rigid and open mouthed. no sound now but the sizzle. a man hits him with a huge wood stick and the boy slides to the floor. i find a bathroom and throw up. in the mirror my hair is brown and blond and very long with waves. i look older. but still tired. like now. i leave the house.
now im in a car and its nighttime. the man driving is blurry and i cant really see him well. theres another man behind me who looks like jim from the office. [probs because i had watched the entire fifth season before going to bed last night] he has his hand on my shoulder, i think we are together, i feel strong warm feelings for him. we are going down a steep hill and i realize we are going to back to the uncles home. my stomach drops i dont want to go. we are trying to find the house going much too fast down this hill. finally i spot it we skid and stop. all the lights are out. im quietly thankful. the man behind me [love] says ok thats it we are going to the seventy six. its right up there. he indicates a tall tower in the distance with a glowing orange ball at the top of the lightning rod. we go. we're on a highway now and its pouring rain. the cars around us cant handle it and some of them crash into medians and each other. they slide all around us and we struggle. i notice that the water isnt just coming from the sky there are hoses on either side of the highway pumping water out onto the road. im scared. as we drive i notice that the cars ahead of us are changing. into people. a purple car changes into a woman in a purple dress and she skids and slides and as i watch her the road turns into a bar with hardwood floors and tall windows. somehow we are standing in the bar too. i look around. at the top of the tower the view is amazing. there are alot of people and the man im with gets me a drink. in the corner of the bar another man sits on a pile of clothes. hes giving out pizza slices. this is all so confusing. there is no taste the beer is flat and the people seem bruised and shadowed. its very creepy. finally we are leavingbut as we leave the doors i realize that we arent leaving the tower but the house where [my?] uncle lives. what?? geez. the boys are ahead of me going towards the car when and old asian man leaps from the bushes to my right and pushes a finger into my throat. i warned you! why would you come here?! you are cursed!! hes screaming and jabbing me. hard. i yell at my man and he runs to us, pushing the old man away from me, pulling me into his arms. we walk away like that holding each other tightly. i dont want to let you go he says and i laugh then dont. as we walk past the yard i look and swear to god see a capybara [wikipedia it] chasing a small squirrel. he pulls me away from it when i start to cry. then hes letting me go and im waking up.

the end.


whooooo. what a dream.

what a state im in. sitting here in someone elses pajamas and trying to work through the rush in my head.

back to work.