its like this

tomorrow.

im finally getting back to writing.

be here or be square.

wicked

from me. to you. with something that may be love.
is there anything better than the vague feeling of warmth? the confusing sense of is this it? the shocking tender touch of yes this is what you are.

i know. ive been feeling lost. i know. ive been this weird thing. this confusing entity. full on her own power. sick on her own strength. kind of. maybe.

in reality im still just stephanie. just this sily girl with delusions and fantasy filling her head. im foggy and stumbling. im lost and falling.

but now i think ive found it. maybe this is what i was trying to get. reaching for. the boy sleeping next to me is waking up to early and touching my face. the home ive found is unraveling around me and making itself my own. i may be ... comfortable. i may be. this.

its been a long time since ive been. me.

and friends come and blink in and out. remind me of the things that were and the things that couldnt be. but im still smiling and welcoming and wanting. it doesnt take away.

i am strong. i am all that i need to be. i am..... drunk ok im drunk.

ha! but i dont care!

give me strength! give me happiness! give me all that i ever could WANT!

GIVE IT TO ME UNIVERSE!

can you?

can you help?

of course you can.

here you go. take this. my eternal trust and faith. i believe this. in this.


yes.


ha.

night.

books, puffy eyes, caffeine, and anxiety in waiting

equals fantastic (although very early) morning. found a fantastic new book, gods behaving badly, and had good coffee finally. i miss borders, but barnes and noble will do. we must look strange together, him with his star trek sci fi magazines and too sweet caramel macchiato and me with my thick fiction and black americano. i fly through a thousand pages and i am in love with this story! but its time to leave and im sleepy again. (later i catch him on amazon, ordering the book for me, i always ruin surprises.. hee) today im feeling good. ill tell ya its been a long time coming. the roller coaster oh crap this again feeling is never far away but luckily im hitting a high wind this week and im excited and calm and taking full advantage. i hope that lady calls us today and says here are your keys. i NEED to have this apt! its so damn wonderful, steps from broadway super cheap and still absolutely charming. fingers crossed.
ugh work sneaks up so quick.

more later.