9.1.11

singing under my breath, lost in cheap beer i pray

i find so many truths here, analyze myself and come to understandings. but i'm so weak. i never stick to it. fitting, its the new year. the time for discarded good intentions and resolutions.
all year with me.
but whatever right? it happens in sequence.
death.
heartbreak.
within a few months, i'll cycle again.
again.
again.
stop telling me its going to be ok, stop trying to make me look up and forward. im sorry but im done with all that bullshit.
lies.
im pretty sure he left me last night. i dont see how we could recover from that.
he laid there in bed and told me im no help to him, he wont come live with me, and when i walked out into the cold night on this bad side of town he just let me go. i walked home. into the warm arms of my best friend and dog. and i slept for hours, leaving my phone off and dead. i slept, envious. im so tired of the struggle that is human interaction. this crap called love, this lie that is friendship. im too demanding, expectant. i believe we should give as we get, but that would mean i should start telling everyone im busy and stop talking to people who arent cool enough to be seen with me. i should start flaking out and calling it off. i should just stop. everyone but one person is pissing me off, disappointing, repetitive in their apologies and false statements.

i sound ridiculous! how does anyone complain when it sounds so fucking stupid!

ugh ugh ugh.

stomp foot, walk away.

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