[stop it, girl, you are doing it again.]
picking at your nails and chewing chewing chewing.
blasting music and singing in the shower i am free for my favorite 15 minutes of the day. voice cracking, wet hair in my face, sticking to my cheeks. becoming clean. water meets body and i just throw my face up in the spray. besides dreaming, i could live in a shower.
weird, i know...
i've been thinking about medication again. i think its time to find out what my options are. i've been needing the cutting more and more lately. it usually happens this way, when i become unhappy with my current relationships, i start work, or i need my privacy and space and have none.
all of those things are happening right now.
i'm anxious and unsettled. it's like my lovely last blog explains. havoc.
so i think it's time to try one more time, to go out on my own.
i'm terrified and i don't know maybe i'll just wait for  to leave to the navy and come back. but something needs to change NOW.
aaahhh my stomach is twisting. viciously.
my brains laughs softly at my feeble attempts to maintain composure :/