i'm not sure what inspired this one... many things. maybe the want of something familiar and comforting. i don't know.
anyway. i'm in an heb, but it's not just any heb. besides being a grocery store i know this is also a school, and it's my school. i'm standing near the makeup and the registers, lusting over eye shadows and brushes, and i get the feeling that i am with my parents, although i don't recognize the people near me. a woman and a tall man turn and talk to me, they are nice and the woman hands me white shiny beads and says come on lets get in the car. i want to walk around first, so i tell her one sec and head towards the floral section. just across from the lilies and carnations i see a glass encased classroom with chairs and a chalkboard. the back row of desks are dusty and old, some knocked over. i notice the back of the store doesn't seem to have its lights on, giving the whole place an eerie feeling... i head back up. in my head thoughts are flying, i'm thinking about a boy i'm dating, and i realize that i am in high school. i have a letter in my pocket for someone and he was supposed to meet me here but hes not here.... i look up and over the registers at the checkout are little tvs showing a gym where boys are running at each other with pads and giant q tips. i leave with my "parents". as we walk out into the dim parking lot i see its covered with ice and a slight fog. cars are speeding through the lot, slipping and screeching and i'm a little scared. my rents walk confidently ahead of me, chatting and holding hands. an image flashes in my head of a doll atop a bell tower, with blonde hair and reaching arms, near her feet, broken pieces of smaller dolls. in the image a hand comes in with a towel and begins to wipe dirt from her face and the dead doll eyes stare. i snap back to reality and now it's daylight somehow. we are still outside of this heb. my mom shows me where the doll is, pointing up and into the glare. i blink and find myself standing next to it. the doll is about 3 ft tall, hair clumping together from weather, eyes glass and deeply brown. she wears a pale yellow dress. around her feet are the pieces i saw, legs and arms, heads and bodies. but there is more- small glass dishes with crystal clear water in them spot the tiny rooftop. i want to get out. behind me is a small square exit to a spiral staircase. the stair case is small, i'm bent over most of the way down. the sunlight is coming in through small openings covered with white bars, and the whole place takes on a buttery yellow glow. i start to notice glittery objects on the ground and lean in to examine them, its jewelry, some of it is beautiful, and some of it is broken. i feel pangs of guilt as i gather it up, especially when i see a gorgeous glass rosary. i'm calling for my mom now, unsure of how to get out. i've reached the bottom and there is no door. she comes and tells me to look up, as i do a larger hole opens just above my head, and the bar melt back from the opening. i climb out into the arms of my not real parents. i'm wearing a black dress suddenly. they tell me we should go sell what we found, but i'm gripping it so tight i don't think i'll ever let it go. as we walk to the car i think of the boy who stood me up and something interjects with: i'm in high school, who cares about boys? i smile at this thought and get to the car, happy with the jewelry resting heavy in my lap.
and i wake up.
ugh typing while groggy is ... challenging.