tonight i got out of the house for a few hours. rode with a strange boy from work. scrabble at dennys. strange conversations about eggs and the fact that no, no they werent going to be baby chicks, after all they were unfertilized. jaunty waitresses and decaff [ugh].
i couldnt stop thinking about the conversation i had had with this boy, ian, i met last night. about other countries and mainly the way compassion/freedom/humanity is failing/taking liberties in some places of our world. not so much in the stupid we're gonna burn our bras way but in the selfish/take everyone for everything/every man for his fucking self kind of way. the whole time i was thinking why dont they do something... why do people let themselves become this way.
[these clawing angry animals of society or lack thereof]
and somewhere something whispered back well sweetheart, that just shows how naive you really are. get on the political trainwreck. its the cool thing. maybe i am naive. i sound like a femenist vegan punk. enough of this.
we went to a park afterwards. a place i never even knew existed. a lake, a pier, the ground so dark and soft. ive been inside for far too long. go to work, come home, go to sleep, wake up, everyday seeing the same walls and feeling the same distrust at all the same expression of all the same people. going through the motions as it were. and at that moment i found myself face to face with the sound of water and endless sky... cold air and the occasional animal chatter. it was absolutely what i needed after feeling so .. well.. inanimate. i stood out on that slight peninsula of earth and leaning trees, skin confused by the chill combined with strange ever present texas humidity, i stood there. i never wanted to leave. i just started thinking- in that second everything came. every thing fell. work was gone. the whistle of every ignorant thing i heard today was gone. for a moment i wasnt anything.
[the stars hid, and i waited]
and i felt....
i felt very alone.
its just that at that moment i would have killed to have someone there. fleeting touches and slight intakes of breath. a connection. but even internet conections seem to fail nowadays eh? and bloggin about being horny is so much more interesting than bloggin about the proverbial "romance". ask tila tequila.
tonight was me and nature. and we had it out right there on that tiny stretch of land peircing the water. we had a talk. we had a moment. we knew that we both were pretty much forgotten in the great big scheme of things. we both tried to lean on each others shoulders and only left bruises. we came away from the whole thing in the same place. and im sure shes as lost as i am right now. except she can always make pretty flowers to cheer herself up in the spring.
me.... i just have to worry about getting to work.