curling smoke, existentialism. and the burning question

poetic goings on.
and me with more to say.
i was just outside. i was just out there. the drunk girl among men. the nothing among meaning.
i was just there.
and now here i am.
thankful for the moments full of understanding. thankful for the seconds where there lies realization. thankful.
heres me.
typing horribly. messing the words. mucking up the points. beligerent.
heres me.
and yet here i stand fighting to defend these "breaks" in the everyday. the tiny pauses in the mundane.
the talks about rage, the talks about the unknown. our thirst to just understand, the unimaginable.
and heres us now. heres us sweetheart. its us against the world. us against the steroetypes.
i can only say that this is what keeps this girl among the living. this is what keeps my ears perked. this is the time where my thoughts can truly flow. this is where it rests. this is where it grows, and transforms into the tangible.
i would kill for these moments.
i would die for these partial moments.
i would give everything.
to keep this.


think im a drunk.
feel that im in need of saving.
say that im a lost soul.

but never assume.
never assume.
that i am in need of something more.


i have it all here.
my brain tells me.
sates me.
calms me.
slaps me.

and tells me softly and without remorse.

"these moments are all thats left"