stuck in traffic today i was in a very alert state. could have been the claustraphobia, could have been the smog choked air, could have been the stand still heat. who know. we passed the cars, moved into the slowest lane, wrestled the 18-wheelers. it was quite the action packed ride i suppose. on the way down 35 i saw a truck full of horses. they were packed in head to tail. every now and again the truck would brake and they would all shudder and stamp with discomfort. my heart was a little sore from this sight. as we passed them i opened my window and looked up at them, their eyes were wild and they probably had no idea of what was going on, or where they were going. then they were gone. we drove. after getting to my grandmothers house we stayed for about 30 minutes before i had to leave, ive been a little too anxious lately and i just couldnt be around my family today. i told my dad happy birthday and we left. it probably didnt help his drunk state but i had to get out of there. after we left we took a short drive through the streets of the east side, the place i had come to know as home when i was younger. all the things that had been a little shadowed before were there now. the sad state of things, the chickens running loose and the stray people with their dead eyes and brown bags. everything was different. trade offs. a churchs chicken for a chinese restaurant, a tattoo parlor for a mexican bakery. the "cat lady" of hackberry had boards over her windows. i wonder if shes dead. the elementary school i went to was some beast of a new building with blue tinted windows and stylish pipes. from somewhere the memories were coming. we passed the old greek store and i thought of the man who used to stand out there everyday, his beard was as white as his skin was black and he always wore the navy blue jumpsuit. he stood there until finally disappearing years ago, ages ago. across from the cemetary with the headless angels. and adjacent to the school with the broken fence, patched with a broken schoolbus. i saw everything. the porch with the full length mirror on it and the crow that was pacing back and forth in front of it. the people on their porches smoking and talking. the lot with the group of old men, drinking and playing cards on the broken table they had set up. a staple. its their second home. its a drive thru neighborhood.
[i need to snap out of it]