budgeting

theres been alot of this going around lately.
the more humanistic of it has been stinging the most.
the financial issues seem trvial somehow.
i mean. god.
i miss people. even when their right next to me.
its like ive been in a room in my head, sleeping this whole time. while the other girl has been stealing time from me.
now that ive ventured out, the heartache is trying to heal, but the faces are new.
their impatience is confusing.
and im wearing them down.
filing away with rough words and anger backed with state hospital papers.
it hurts.
sigh.




this path im on.
i hope its the right one.
im running low on shortcuts, and on time.
hmm.
the patience of friends.
if only they had a pill like that.
but it doesnt seem like i need that one.
i have all i need here, around me. sleeping in every room of this house.
breathing deep and dreaming.
this thought.
this thought is fucking wonderful.



ps.
i got a betta. hes red with flecks of green and his name is quentin.
he lives in a pretty bowl next to my bed, with green glass marbles and a little plant to hide behind. hes the first thing i see in the morning besides tom. hes very soothing to watch and he usually gets to hear my dreams before they fade.