Thursday, May 17, 2007

is this desire?

blasting the mars volta with pastel dust all over me ive come to this realization.
im only brave at these moments.
confidence comes at these moments.
right now i could stick a finger at the pope and tell him to fuck off.
i could be fiercely beautiful.
i could tell you all of my secrets and not finish them with an awkward "yes i know its stupid" or a "im so dumb"
i could do anything.
but its only me and alot of music and alot of art supplies and no one to spill to.
i wish this was different.
i wish i had someone in this chair with me in that one, him watching me as a i scratch and drag fingers through colors. him thinking about the vicious and amazing being that i am. him being slightly afraid.
and me, feeling him.
our thoughts.
on fire.
if there was one person in the world who could want me like i wanted them, there would be no more fear for me at night. there would be sharp words sure, there would be no smooth sailings. but there would be connection.
and i want that so bad.
its all i hear over the blaring stereo.

its all i have left to want.

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