if she finds me here ill be done for.
and im not ready yet.
dreamt last night finally.
it was mostly me bleeding from a vacant black space in my stomach.
i tried to hold myself together.
and i just couldnt.
somehow i stood and walked. somehow i saw there was a chance for me to make it somehwere. as i walked i looked up and down the walls. things were under the paper. [things.]
moving and squishing and leaving greasy lipstick tracks. hooker lips and the wrong shade of nail polish comes to mind here.
i wasnt doing so good.
in my hands i feel something fall out of me. it mets out a small cry. it leaves blood on my fingers. i dont look at it. i try not to look at it.
then i woke up. i had only been asleep and hour.
tom was already out.
and the lights and the trains outside did little to comfort me.
im ok now. just a little shaken.
[by the way tonight im going to a halo party. fucking woo. i hate videogames. blarg.]
cancer time. [like hammer time but without the dayglo]