24.9.07

quick quick quick quick

if she finds me here ill be done for.
and im not ready yet.

dreamt last night finally.
it was mostly me bleeding from a vacant black space in my stomach.
i tried to hold myself together.

literally.

and i just couldnt.

somehow i stood and walked. somehow i saw there was a chance for me to make it somehwere. as i walked i looked up and down the walls. things were under the paper. [things.]
moving and squishing and leaving greasy lipstick tracks. hooker lips and the wrong shade of nail polish comes to mind here.
i wasnt doing so good.
in my hands i feel something fall out of me. it mets out a small cry. it leaves blood on my fingers. i dont look at it. i try not to look at it.

then i woke up. i had only been asleep and hour.
tom was already out.
and the lights and the trains outside did little to comfort me.

im ok now. just a little shaken.

[by the way tonight im going to a halo party. fucking woo. i hate videogames. blarg.]

cancer time. [like hammer time but without the dayglo]

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