Thursday, June 26, 2008

knocked up and pathetic, a phone call, and a dream

ATTENTION: This blog contains adult themes such as abortion, sex among teens, ignorant government, timid/harsh parents, and news media.

You have been warned.
Grab your junk, ignore the bad grammar, and read on, or get the fuck out.

last night i was laying in bed melting and cranky with heat and too many pillows and watching some dime a dozen news show on cnn. they were talking about all sorts of nonsensical happenings and whatnot but when they came the story of the day i sat up and gave them my full pissed off attention.
man on tv: teen pregnancy. pacts? promises? crying in the hallways over a negative reading? whats happening to todays youth?
he went on to say that with the glamorization of teens getting knocked up and parents and schools talking more and more about sex, well we've dug our own hole.
i laughed out loud.
that creepy laughing alone type thing you have to do when you hear something so fucking outrageous.

he went on: its movies like juno, sitcoms, and overly understanding parents. we're making it too easy for our kids to screw up. why does the media do this to us?
kill me. gag me. are you kidding me?
i actually got up out out of bed and scribbled notes on my arm in the dark.
'write about teens fucking, babies, media, and stupid fucking people.'
so here i am.
firstly blaming the media is never your way out. sorry folks its just not their fault that YOU cant take it for what it is and not some fucking users manual for life. juno is a movie, jamie lynn is a dumbass, and you need to buck up and talk to your fucking kids about sex, the herps, and the fact that if they have kids now they can wave bye bye to getting too drunk in college, having a career, avoiding wrinkles and other such required childhood happenings for someone to be normal. tell them what happens to the vagina in process or that theyre hips could break or kill the baby on the way out. i dunno. im not good with words for kids.

in my head the reporter goes on: some parents are encouraging their children to go on with the pregnancy. they promise to help them through it and shelter them. to love them no matter what. are we doing this to ourselves?
YES. we are. what happened to this country? back in the day if you got knocked up you were sent away or you had a date with a coat hanger. there was shame, sweet beautiful shame once. and now our mothers are bleach blonde and 32 with a 16 year old and a 15 year old and theyre all wearing matching "fuck me" shirts. jesus h. we may need a national abortion day soon. with a coupon in the paper. maybe then we could get this mind fucking idiocy under control. maybe its parents that need a class nowadays. a class on not being blind or complacent. our kids need to feel like there is shame and wrongness in sex at a certain age. and only you can do it america. get on it.

in my head the reporter goes on: its our schools! our gov! they have created a sex saturated environment! condom talks at 14?! how could they? sex ed classes are worthless.
my hands cover my head and i consider suicide as the only option to stopping the migraine. sex ed classes are a godsend. for all the ignorant parents and all the poor orphan children who have no warm comforting guardian to help them realize something: we live in a world soaked in sex. if they dont hear about it in school, theyre gonna see it on spike, abc, or some other soft core porn station. if maury has proved anything our kids are fucking, sucking and getting aids. and what are we doing? going on a witch hunt for the only thing thats gonna save them? let me tell you a story. little stephanie starts 5th grade. she gets a permission slip one day and takes it home to her parents. they sign it and tell her to pay attention. she goes to class the next day and is ushered into the nurses office where she and 20 other kids watch a movie on sex, childbirth, love, bras and keeping safe. she leaves the class a little befuddled. her parents answer questions when she gets home. she goes on to become a smart, semi confident young woman and she doesnt get knocked up or contract any stds. the end.

in conclusion: teen pregnancy is an epidemic. i know. i live in san antonio. and only when parents, the schools and the government realize this will there be any chance of saving face. we need the sex ed, we need our parents to have balls and we need to put a picture of a giant smiling condom on the fronts of cereal boxes.

or you could just give me a syringe of local anesthetic and a staple gun and let me take care of this.

think it over, yea?

anyway, as i sit here and try to calm down i should mention the dream i had last night. its too long so, the condensed version:
-i was a prisoner, chained in a hallway waiting for my turn to be tortured. i can hear a child screaming somewhere and im getting nervous. a man walks by and leans over me, laughing. another man comes by later and unchains me and in a low voice tells me to follow him. im in his car. he tells me im not real and that i shouldnt be scared, i have powers that he or the powers at be could only hope to have. im a robot. i start to cry. were driving into this apt complex now, up a steep hill and over steeper speed bumps. we pass little corner stores built in to the complex and there are children and sad looking people everywhere. suddenly a car pulls in front of us and a woman gets out and starts shooting at the car. a man from the crowd jumps in front of her and she shoots him down. black fluid pours from him and i know that same stuff is in me too. i pass out. and wake up.
[i had a shorter dream after that that had ninjas and a swimming pools and frying pans in it. yeah.]

earlier tonight my best friend called me squealing and gagging and asking me "did you really eat that?" as she watched bizarre foods with andrew zimmern. i laughed at her noises and told her yes. andrew zimmern was in the philippines and he was eating market food. little eggs with baby ducks inside and chicken feet on a stick and purple yam ice cream and such. i lived there for three years and back then i was too young to realize that maybe some of the things i was eating were a little more than a little weird. im jealous of my parents. i wish i was in manila with them right now. i have such fond memories of that place. my first day of school, a volcano eruption and the chicken pox. sigh.

ive had enough blogtastic adventures for tonight i think. im exhausted.

p.s send your angry emails to anyone but me. i dont care what you have to say. just saying.


The Crash of '85 said...

conservative! and yes, thats not an insult. glad you can see it for what it is (except for the whole being a robot and ninjas and shit). when the zombies come, im definitely saving you. we're gonna need someone to be existential and contrary. but we're going to MY house. I've already got a plan with other crazy vets. and no, my tinfoil isnt too tight.

.när'sĭ-sĭz'əm. said...

best comment ever.

Alejandro Baez said...

i tell you what, you are so right it is scary. i don't know what the f. is going on with our youth. But to make a pact to screw your life and then look around for fault, the hell with that. having a kid is a wonderful thing, i got one, but never in my wildest, craziest and taking over the world kind of dream, i would have thought to have a kid in my teens. i did not live in Wonderland, and i knew that everything would have had to given up for that kid. i simply wasn't ready for the drama of life and chose to remain a kid for a decade longer if needed to. i wish those kids the best of luck, and all the goodwill in the world because they are going to need it raising kids in this world while still being a kid, and i hope to God that reality does not slap them around, drag them behind a four wheeler through unpaved streets or simply turn that pact into a nervous breakdown reality stricken "Oh, f. what did I just do" kind of day.

Excellent Posting, I would link it from my blog if you don't mind.

.när'sĭ-sĭz'əm. said...

i don't mind at all. haha. thanks.

and you know i do wish those mothers the best of luck as well.
i can only hope that humanity can evolve and adjust and not just continue on the seemingly downward spiral we're in now.

well see, eh?

s.k.namanny said...

As an act, abortion is absolutely grotesque--in and of itself--even when it subverts more grotesque eventualities. No one can say anything different, even those of us who defend a woman's right to choose that option. Sterilization, on the other hand, is a beautiful thing. NOBODY could be against sending a single celled egg out into the lonely world alone, could they? Think of the money saved when we sponsor national sterilization day. Line up, ye hippies, ye crack whores, ye junkies, ye Spears! We will tie your tubes for a song, and you can have all the gutter sex you can stomach! And it's reversible, so if you ever get your feet on the ground, and become addicted to socially accepted chemicals like caffeine and valium, you can have a wonderfully fashionable pregnancy, and, like unto Madonna, transform yourself from the whore of Babylon into Mother Kaballa.

Be of good cheer, the kids here in white bread Northern California are increasingly and inspiringly sensible about sex. And by kids, I mean girls (excluding pretty young female high school teachers who continue to go to jail for performing sex acts on teenage guys--I blame desperate housewives). Obviously, the guys remain irredeemable dipsheists on the subject.

Allison said...

Amen! The media is "not a manual for life." Duh!