26.6.08

head sick



last night i got drunk and talked my ass off.
i had this really interesting and deep thing going on you know?
i woke up and i might as well have dreamed it. i said some of the coolest shit. i think i may be getting to the point where im gonna become that asshole with the little tape recorder. and every now and again ill hold it up to you and say, what what? punch me in the face all you want. i'm getting there damnit.

useless.

a list.

i am
-hungover
-a little pissed off at America at the moment. ready to pack my bags and don a white flag and say you know its im giving up. abandon ship.
-listening to music that makes me want to break old lady faces and bleed my throat after tearing up my jeans and spiking my hair while going back in time to the 80's.
-trying to make sense of what i said. what did i say? fuck!
-remembering that day in the red room when i met that girl and her hips and her eye makeup and her hands were all over me by the end of the night. the fondest of memories sound so dirty but i swear, she changed my life. she looked me in the eyes and said, wait, but then i was being dragged to a car. hmmm.
-putting music on this blog to annoy you. fuckit.
-missing my brother. so bad. its an everyday thing you know. wish it would just get better.
-finding it difficult to understand what people say sometimes. mostly its just buzzing and static.
-feeling silly for sitting in the living room and talking to the cat.
-thinking about the birds. this morning as i sat on the car and smoked and rambled i looked up and the sun was coming up. and all these birds started flying from behind me and whooshing forward. i believe in omens and symbolism and those birds were telling me something.
-aware that i'm slowly moving towards being old and withered. the time has come for action! action and rebellion and lies and writing and the beautiful joy that is getting on with life.


excited? me?

well yeah.

wouldn't you be if you were living in a semi free nation you hate at the legal age to commit all the thomas j foolery you want?

yeah.

i'm liking to today.

4 comments:

The County said...

thomas j. foolery.

plenty of that going around i hear.

.när'sĭ-sĭz'əm. said...

you hear?

The Crash of '85 said...

eh? what? speak up! But your planetary body analogy (damn, i coulda used 'heavenly body' and gotten the double word score for innuendo!) well, it really stuck with me. Maybe when we have a chance, and when you wont be all forgetful and hungover in the morning, I'll regurgitate it all to you. That conversation last night was one of the best conversations I've had, on par with talks with the greatest unsung philosophers I've had the pleasure to discourse with.

s.k.namanny said...

The designated driver was talked out. What had started off with pleasantries, sauntered into flirtation, and plunged headlong into thrilling philosophical depths, was now settling into a langorous, pregnant silence, broken only by breathy protestations of love from the back seat.
"The more you drink, the more you tell me you love me," he finally said. She smiled that smile that says: "This is me understanding you."
Except that at this point she wasn't understanding. She hadn't heard a word. And even if she had, she wouldn't remember. And even if she remembered, it wouldn't be clear enough to claim. He tried to tell himself this was her mind stripped to its essence. She said it again. "I love you, man. I don't know, I just love you."
He drove on silent and half a grin. She didn't seem to expect a reply at this point.

Which was all he needed to know.