this is probably the 5th time ive written something online today. why would i do such a thing? ive thought about it and i think this time the damage from the every day may be permanent. im backstepping into the cracks again. feeling out places to hide with wary hands and and acid filled stomach with a vendetta against me. my retreat away from people, nearly complete. it burns. but the sting and the bitter taste only mean that if i give it a second to work, ill be too out of it to care.
i love going back over everything my friends write in the interwebs. nice to see how much they have changed as far as the last year or so. i know some wonderful writers.
i want to be home right now. its been a showerless, semi air conditioned, woozy day.
i miss my kittens anyway, and the way chu greets me with crashing feet when i walk in the room.
school is happening soon. im excited. wish class was tomorrow. maybe this time ill actually get through the semester and halfway enjoy it . i still think of my counselor here, giving me the stink eye and asking me just what i thought i was playing at, waiting this long to take charge. people cannot be subtle or soft no matter how hard they try. i sat and looked around his office at his fine arts degrees and his mexican themed color scheme. looking back at him i told him, i just want to register, not talk. and i can do that here right? i may have left with him doubts but at least i left enrolled.
ouch ouch ouch. my fucking head.
i havent blogged in this spot for almost a whole year.
hopefully i can change that.