i remember this feeling

this primal lust.

i've been drawing so much lately. working on the little comic blog has been such THERAPY.
i love waiting and wondering what i'm going to draw next. eating cold pizza and looking again and again over the ones i've posted so far. mine all mine. they give me that warm all over feeling of- remember? you used to be that person all the way through instead of this lady defrosting and trying to get back into the mix. remember. it used to be like this all day when you would wake up before noon and it would be raining. and you would walk straight to the easel and just get it all out. you used to care stephanie. but not about the things you do now. the good things. the soft things. the music and watching your wrist as it bent and your fingers as they blended.
i really have been trying. and its working.
today all i thought about what the shitty paint program on my parents computer and really finding a job so i can live, just live in michaels or herwecks.
all that paint.
all that canvas.
and me finally getting my feet under me so i can cover them with splatters and dust.

the wrinkles on my face are fading, and my mouth silently sings as i remember what im good at.


it't been the best day so far this year.



p.s
i have been posting to the art blog ALOT.
but i'll post some better stuff soon, as i have access to a sweet scanner/printer combo.
im excited.
and happy.