30.8.08

compulsion

lately i'm the walking dead.
exhausted.
[constantly moving]

my nails are chipping and peeling. they must not like my fingers. hm.

a movie has invaded my head like a disease. creating some obsession i'm sure i've seen before. a touch scary. not all together unpleasant.

going back to school is like learning to swim all over again after a paralyzing event has made you forget you had legs. the kids in my class are dyed and inked and tough and bold. and im the meek girl with clothes that still have thrift tags that always chooses the corner seat. shuffling.
tuition- 500
art supplies- 150
gas-3,000
that feeling of so this was that awkward dance i hated on the first day of school - priceless


bah.
i think...
i'm waking up now.
i feel slightly brighter.
maybe this chance wont be for nothing. i'm sure i'll have the strength to leave and press restart.
this has to be the turning point they all talk about. the moment.

his voice, his eyes, an act in a story recorded and sold. and me buying copies with money i dont have, watching again and again as he tells her to live, tells her what she knew she should have done all along.
such simple messages, wrapped in velvet and hidden.
[you're looking back..... downfall]


hmm.

what should i do now?

im horrible with decisions.


god i've missed blogging.

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