animalistic and the previous thought

im pretty sure i paced all morning. i dont remember the time but im sure it was early. laying down hurt. trying to get comfortable was annoying and i didnt want to sleep.

stubborn me drifted off anyway.

dream.

in someones backyard. its pretty big. rolling. very grassy and nice smelling. the house stands to the right of me, and a group of people to the left and milling. there is a weird metal pipe structure in the center of the yard. nothing functional, just there. some people are working on the house or renovations are in progress. something. at the very end of the yard i hear water so i walk to it. a small river whooshes there, but i see the other side isnt a bank but a white blue wall. i look up. huh. were in a seemingly gigantic box. this doesnt bother me much i look at the water again. the moss growing up on the plaster wall and the tiny snails embedded there. i walk back to the group. some people reach and grab my hands, and as i curl fingers i hear a crashing. looking up at the house i see a woman rolling on the roof, towards the edge. last second she grabs the gutter and half of the whole house comes down. she starts laughing. i look over to the right handed corner of the yard and now there are huge plastic dinosaurs standing there. i walk to them but im pulled back by tugging hands and words i dont quite hear. so now in the center of the yard im wearing a human sweater. arms are here and there, i dont know who is touching and holding me. but its comforting. and i stand there. eventually they lt go. and now im alone in the yard. i walk to the house and look inside one of the dusty windows. a dog is dead on the floor in the center of the room. his insides are pushed out (alot of viscera in the dreams as of late. hrmph) and in the blood and mush i see something glint in the sun. the window is locked and curiosity burns. then its like the dog takes a shuddering terrible breath and im going to throw up and then im awake and its god awful early for this coma girl.

i dont want innards in my dreams anymore. sigh.

its almost time to start in on the ideas i have sketched out in actual paint and canvas. thomas has some great things planned too. updates soon.
then theres this: http://downtownsanantonio.org/main/events/u11
ARTS AND EATS ARTS AND EATS ARTS AND EATS ARTS AND EATS weeee.
so many things to plan and get on. im exhausted.

need to quit smoking but dont want to.

ive heard the word sodomy about 3 times in the last hours. huh.

mom leaves to the Philippines this weekend. let operation babysit dad and keep him from falling out the tree house and be eaten by cats begin. should be fun.
ive always wanted to drive to floresville every other day. why would they move out there?!

time to go to work. hello this is stephanie, no i dont want to do that, ew sir please, thats it, operator taking down your number to hunt you down and kick you in the taint.

enough.