early morning

i havent been to bed. be worried. i am.
sssseveral days to go before relaxing.

i knew i shouldnt have brought philosophy books to work with the weather like this. perfect existential mess. is what i am. you see.

and all i can think about is fire, cell phones, boys, and paint.

all in various stages of oh my god.

twitchy. and i still want coffee. insecure. im so weird in general. misshapen and odd and clumsy. still i walk chin up. wondering deeeeeeply why i bother. then i catch someone and smile and they smile back and im sure im quite a charmer and then my brain turns fourteen and its to sex and foul thought.

all this is an instant.

walking through the desert with gold bars, you wouldnt even trade them for a sip of water. and its your own fault.

i think i may be sleep blogging. if i wake up and this isnt here then ill be sad. im enjoying this.

why do boys fart in their sleep. i cant find something like that endearing. i tried.

tomorrow is another chance. for what who knows. but im sure its not going to be fun or easy, just satisfying afterward.

will i be sore?

hope not.