hello paranoia

i've lost 6 pounds in two days.
i can't stop moving, my heart is beating too fast too hard.
gotta admit, i kinda like the dizziness.
wee.
this house. it isn't clean. but i've been scrubbing all day.
i haven't had a full cigarette, it tastes like i'm pregnant again.
[impossible]
its a side effect, an actual welcomed one.
[acrid nostalgia]


i need coffee.

and better sleep.

i feel like she blew me off this weekend and i wonder if she has reached her level of acceptance with me. everyone has a ceiling. she's still trying to be nice.

i'm angry, but contained.
hurt, but i can see why it is the way it is.

sigh.