19.2.11

all things matte can sometimes glitter

i may or may not be a little intoxicated.

sometimes i wonder what life will be like if i was still in 2007.

i think that was one of the best times of my life.


i worry now, about me. i still get dark, lost, fallen,

i miss her.

things are different now. things have changed.

what should i do?

pls tell me. advise. suggest.

pls?

3 comments:

radioisfree said...

dare not advise anyone what they "should" do. how can anyone know that. it's time, perhaps, to lay still and let the matters of life wash over. they'll tire of washing and you will hear the right voice and the right words. believe it, dear one.

s.k.namanny said...

you are immortal and indestructable. amazingly, even the keenest awareness of our immortality and indestructability doesn't remain sufficiently present enough to see us through the worst without feeling like a plunger. someday you'll have light in your veins instead of blood. but even the firmest conviction of that fact gets shaken when life punches us in the kidneys. we suffer. if we're lucky we have good people around us to love us through it. if not, we just get through it. until death, everything is life. i forget who said that. then again even death is life. Dickinson said:
"I reason-earth is short-and anguish absolute-and many hurt-but what of that? I reason-we could die-the best vitality cannot excel decay. But what of that? I reason-that in heaven-somehow-it will be even-some new equation given. But what of that?"
Can't beat her.

All I have is that I hope you're OK, and wish, honestly, I could be there to help in any way you saw fit. And sending good thoughts, vibes, prayers, positivity in whatever currency you can use. Go numb for a time. Watch an old favorite TV show on DVD. Excercise. Dye your hair. Eat pizza. Better yet: Sushi. And more sushi. Lots of sushi.

.när'sĭ-sĭz'əm. said...

acceptance will come in a wave one day, then peace. i just wish it was today that the wave would come. that i could skip this painful human grief, that is absolutely necessary but tiring.
kind words always help. and yes, so does raw fish.

thank you, friends.