Will you please keep trying? I am engulfed in madness today, the only way I know how to describe it is here, to a soft screen, to electronic indifference. My safe place, familiar. The people around me are tired. I'm a song with the same notes, badly out of tune. I wish so badly I was easier to love. But I shift, fall, bite. Collapse, this feels like collapse. Saying I love you to a solid wall, holding my breath when I feel anything. Am I the eternal villain? Is this the peak of what I have earned?
I am overwhelmed with desire, hot and aggressive with love. I burn brighter than rays behind a cloud, dissipating the vapors and shining like gold. Only to fall on shoulders and tinted glass, dismissed as a bother, as they wait for the night. All the love letters and touches, do they mean anything? The chattering thoughts and ideas, do they register at all? Or is the impending fall a distraction and the happy moments losing meaning? Am I losing everything?
It's a black solid thing, pressing pointed fingers into my head. It feels like tearing fabric behind my eyes and deep deep deep in my chest. Holes that never heal, laughter loud and everywhere. I want to ask you to understand, but it's not my right, and it's not anyone's obligation. It's been here for so long, and I know it by name.
No comments:
Post a Comment