the last little bit

It's the sore car accident feeling.
The caffeine crash.
Bones aching so badly, deeply, ringing loud and vibrating.
My head is too heavy, it's too fucking heavy and off balance with tinkling glass and shifting thoughts.
Hurt. It hurts.
I remember being 18, sobbing into someone's lap or hair. Heartbroken, just broken, thinking this was the worst pain I'd ever felt.
This is nothing like that.
This is something I've never imagined.
When you stand there in front of him palms out. This man who makes you flutter, whispers how amazing you are into your ear in the kitchen. He looks at you and for a second you see nothing. It flashes across his face and something twisted and rusty presses into your heart. I'm a snotty crying mess, I feel like my body is being torn apart and a dark hole opened in me. And his face was nothing.
I think I'm losing this battle. I don't think I have the strength.
This was the one. I... just need to sleep.