i killed someone in my dream the other night, it was terrible and ferocious and i was shocked at how fast and intense the whole thing was.
something was happening in a store with a huge glass front. an argument, some accusation, i dont know...
i remember-
-everyone was wearing white and khaki at one point, as though we were in school, in uniform.
-shelves with little statues and jewelry.
-the person [male?] i was confronting was standing in front of me and i was so angry. we were circling each other and the people around us were yelling for us to stop. i yelled "he skinned that boy alive he has to pay!" then i lunged and stabbed.
-after people started to leave. they walked around the dead body. i laid down with another person and we put our legs up against the wall. he hands me a bubble wrap skirt and i pull it on. he says his assistant got it for me. mari.
-i look out the window, all the people leaving are covered in blood. i can feel the sticky warmth on me, but i cant see it.
in fact all of my dreams are becoming overtly sexual and violent. i dont know why, these phases happen in my sleep.
last night in fact there was a murder and sex. ???
points:
-i had moved into a dorm like apt complex that was tall and square spare on side, which slanted down steeply. it was futuristic in that the architecture was smooth and mono colored, with beautiful balconies and plants all over. small efficient rooms, and elevators. tvs in the hallway. it was very interesting.
-it felt like i was moving in with a family, but i could never really see them. most of the people living in the dorm were young and attractive.
-i wake up in the dream and go to my balcony, its dark and there are cops cars surrounding the lower floor. a man is behind me telling there has been a murder. i get the chills, seeing images of a strangled woman in my head. i go back inside.
-later im on the balcony taking pictures of it with a camera i have to hold up to my eye. its still very dark out. i'm taking a picture of a tree limb that leans into the balcony when the zoom begins to act up. as the camera flashes i see a mans face looking at me from over the limb. i freak out and run inside.
-now we're leaving me and a small group of people, we walk to a house a mile or so away and i look back and take in the image of the tall geometrical building i live in. we get to the little house and go upstairs. everything is cream carpet and buttery furniture. men and women talk to me. i go into the bathroom and put on a lacy very revealing dress and everyone is fucking outside of the bathroom i can hear them, so i sit on the toilet and play with some makeup ive found.
-later i walk out everyone is gone and a man walks up to me and tells me i look amazing and we walk home, crawl into bed and i fall into sleep in the dream and awaken in real life.
i miss my dreams. deeply. my stomach aches when i think about them. nothing could feel look like flow so smoothly be so colorful in real life.
sigh.
if only i could stay.
Showing posts with label hello children can you say LUCID DREAMING. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hello children can you say LUCID DREAMING. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
take what you want, all that you can carry
points of a dream:
it was so hot when i fell back asleep this morning. it was deep and unmoving.
i can't remember the dream straight out, bits and pieces come back.
-there was a house, large and dark, almost windowless and with stone walls. there was a bed in my room and it was thick with blankets and pillows, just like i like it. a man has bought me things and they lay in boxes strewn about the room. i fall on the bed and wish the boxes would go away. i feel guilty.
-there was a school with a huge parking lot full of people, some kind of festival. it's night time. dark spare the lights from the booths and people milling with candles and glow sticks. it reminds me of the first school my father taught at. we're trying to walk up to the school but it feels like it just keeps getting farther and farther away.
-i have a different body, the one i really want i suppose. all the people in my dream are stylized and beautiful. cut and made up. i look in the mirror and i'm blond and bed headed. i throw on a flimsy sweater and a short skirt. i don't care who sees me, i like the dominance that comes with being sexy. i have the keen understanding that this isn't real, it does make me sad inside.
-the huge grocery store we all went to. a giant heb. the makeup section is massive, i linger at the nail polish. this dream gets a little toooooo sexual here. i'll move on.
i loved the way the blankets on that bed felt. it's a bed for me, perfect and soft and hidden in the back of a dark cool house.
meanwhile i'm here. numb again. it comes in waves. huge flowing salty waves.
i'm just so tired. always. working out and trying to find energy i'm desperately trying to find balance and normality.
i think i've lost the ability to connect to here and now.
i miss and love the dreams more that the physical around me.
whatever.
we'll see if the fog clears, it does sometimes and i'm sane again. for now i'm rolling with the crazy.
weeee.
it was so hot when i fell back asleep this morning. it was deep and unmoving.
i can't remember the dream straight out, bits and pieces come back.
-there was a house, large and dark, almost windowless and with stone walls. there was a bed in my room and it was thick with blankets and pillows, just like i like it. a man has bought me things and they lay in boxes strewn about the room. i fall on the bed and wish the boxes would go away. i feel guilty.
-there was a school with a huge parking lot full of people, some kind of festival. it's night time. dark spare the lights from the booths and people milling with candles and glow sticks. it reminds me of the first school my father taught at. we're trying to walk up to the school but it feels like it just keeps getting farther and farther away.
-i have a different body, the one i really want i suppose. all the people in my dream are stylized and beautiful. cut and made up. i look in the mirror and i'm blond and bed headed. i throw on a flimsy sweater and a short skirt. i don't care who sees me, i like the dominance that comes with being sexy. i have the keen understanding that this isn't real, it does make me sad inside.
-the huge grocery store we all went to. a giant heb. the makeup section is massive, i linger at the nail polish. this dream gets a little toooooo sexual here. i'll move on.
i loved the way the blankets on that bed felt. it's a bed for me, perfect and soft and hidden in the back of a dark cool house.
meanwhile i'm here. numb again. it comes in waves. huge flowing salty waves.
i'm just so tired. always. working out and trying to find energy i'm desperately trying to find balance and normality.
i think i've lost the ability to connect to here and now.
i miss and love the dreams more that the physical around me.
whatever.
we'll see if the fog clears, it does sometimes and i'm sane again. for now i'm rolling with the crazy.
weeee.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
dream 867295756.9678472
last nights dream was short and packed in with very confusing shit, let me tell you, dont know what was wrong with the brain but she was moving.
i cant even grab all of it.
i swear i was only asleep for an hour...
and here:
the part i can remember is the last part. but in the beginning im sure i faintly remember
-the ocean
-boats, HUGE boats, and a town floating out in the middle of nowhere
-a child bartender
-fish tanks full of goldfish
-jellyfish bites
the ending was a little more grounded, hah, i guess. i was in my first house here in san antonio, the house we moved in when we first got here when i was young. but now im a grown woman, much older than i am now i think. and i have children. (shudder) so i know ive been walking for the last few hours i feel memories, dream memories, of a campus of some kind, with alot of ivy. i also see a mans face, hes angry. im in the house now and i hear a banging on the front door its the man i know it i start to shake and try to find places to hide while grabbing up my children, who i really cant see clearly. hmp. now the banging is getting louder and im building a wall down the middle of the house cutting off the back from the front, working mind blowingly fast. i think i have a husband he must be near me somewhere holding the kids. just as im getting to the the last upper left corner i hear the man get through the door just as my youngest child throws herself into my arms. the mans upper body thrusts through the unfinished part of the wall and hes screaming. i start to tell him please i tried, i did what you asked please dont i have a family. he is still screaming when he shoots me in the head twice and then unloads into the room wildy. i dont lose consciousness, im on the floor, i dont feel my child moving. i look over and see a man in the floor near me. i blink and now we are all laying in the porch of this house. still bleeding, waiting to die. but now there is movement, everywhere. in the street facing the house cars are piling in parking. people are getting out, its almost like a party. directly across the street is my grandmothers house (in real life too) and i look for her. i feel dull pain all over and still, the tiny thing in my arm doesnt move. i see people coming out of my grandmas house, women who look mannish. short hair, cutoff sleeves, etc. i call to her, where is she i need help. please. im sleepy. finally i see an ambulance. a large man steps up to us. he says let me have her, i need to help her. and now im saying ive been stabbed. im so confused none of this makes sense. as im saying ive been stabbed i see the baby he pulls away from me, i thought she was older, shes tiny, with a hole dripping blood and gaping on her side. i start to scream. now my grandma walks up, dressed in a beautiful lace dress, stark white. shes laughing and she touches my hand and tells me to stand up. i say im hurt. shes says its not so bad. so i get up and walk to the ambulance. inside i see a small plastic tub full of blankets and what i think is my baby. the man says how old is she i say 1 to 2 years i dont know shes small. i look in the tub and start to reach for her but now shes not a baby shes a puppy. (??!!HUH??!!) i pet the puppy and see there is tape wrapped around parts of it body. i look down and see holes in mine. i start to pass out and wake up.
jose is telling me goodbye i love you text me.
and im left in bed wide eyed and breathing hard and reaching for where i think my spleen is.
woof.
THAT was fucking weird.
i honestly dont know.
gonna think it over today.
i cant even grab all of it.
i swear i was only asleep for an hour...
and here:
the part i can remember is the last part. but in the beginning im sure i faintly remember
-the ocean
-boats, HUGE boats, and a town floating out in the middle of nowhere
-a child bartender
-fish tanks full of goldfish
-jellyfish bites
the ending was a little more grounded, hah, i guess. i was in my first house here in san antonio, the house we moved in when we first got here when i was young. but now im a grown woman, much older than i am now i think. and i have children. (shudder) so i know ive been walking for the last few hours i feel memories, dream memories, of a campus of some kind, with alot of ivy. i also see a mans face, hes angry. im in the house now and i hear a banging on the front door its the man i know it i start to shake and try to find places to hide while grabbing up my children, who i really cant see clearly. hmp. now the banging is getting louder and im building a wall down the middle of the house cutting off the back from the front, working mind blowingly fast. i think i have a husband he must be near me somewhere holding the kids. just as im getting to the the last upper left corner i hear the man get through the door just as my youngest child throws herself into my arms. the mans upper body thrusts through the unfinished part of the wall and hes screaming. i start to tell him please i tried, i did what you asked please dont i have a family. he is still screaming when he shoots me in the head twice and then unloads into the room wildy. i dont lose consciousness, im on the floor, i dont feel my child moving. i look over and see a man in the floor near me. i blink and now we are all laying in the porch of this house. still bleeding, waiting to die. but now there is movement, everywhere. in the street facing the house cars are piling in parking. people are getting out, its almost like a party. directly across the street is my grandmothers house (in real life too) and i look for her. i feel dull pain all over and still, the tiny thing in my arm doesnt move. i see people coming out of my grandmas house, women who look mannish. short hair, cutoff sleeves, etc. i call to her, where is she i need help. please. im sleepy. finally i see an ambulance. a large man steps up to us. he says let me have her, i need to help her. and now im saying ive been stabbed. im so confused none of this makes sense. as im saying ive been stabbed i see the baby he pulls away from me, i thought she was older, shes tiny, with a hole dripping blood and gaping on her side. i start to scream. now my grandma walks up, dressed in a beautiful lace dress, stark white. shes laughing and she touches my hand and tells me to stand up. i say im hurt. shes says its not so bad. so i get up and walk to the ambulance. inside i see a small plastic tub full of blankets and what i think is my baby. the man says how old is she i say 1 to 2 years i dont know shes small. i look in the tub and start to reach for her but now shes not a baby shes a puppy. (??!!HUH??!!) i pet the puppy and see there is tape wrapped around parts of it body. i look down and see holes in mine. i start to pass out and wake up.
jose is telling me goodbye i love you text me.
and im left in bed wide eyed and breathing hard and reaching for where i think my spleen is.
woof.
THAT was fucking weird.
i honestly dont know.
gonna think it over today.
Monday, November 2, 2009
the other times
dream.
most of my dreams are similar. they have a sort of structure that i love really. i always fall in love with the boys in my dreams. always. there are usually car crashes, schools, and water. i usually changed surroundings to be more naturalistic. highways to water falls, swimming pools to dried out river beds. its fun, you know. makes me feel like a tripping mad architect. i haven't written one down in a while. onward.
last night i fell asleep holding onto the happiness of last night. i didnt know i was dreaming which was strange when i woke up in a parking lot. something about the place made me know i was in california. i was happy then, back home, wondering how old i was and what time was it and wait my hair is super long! i always love remembering the first few minutes of discovery the next morning. they are the most vivid and most exciting memories compared to the coming puzzle and play of the rest of the dream. the parking lot was huge. there were three cars. all parked right next to each other. i ran to them hoping family or friends were waiting to pick me up. thinking we could go to the hills where i grew up i could show them all these places! i get the backs of these cars and they are parked right on each other. too close to move in between. every time i blink they change color. i realize someone is sitting in the drivers seat of the car on the far left. i try to get in but the door is locked, actually there were no handles. its a man and i cant see his face. he is heaving with his hands covering his eyes and mouth. i have to get to him. for some reason i know hes mine. i run to the rightmost car and the get in. the cars are full of toys, the most random creepy things ever. as i squeak and crunch my way through the cars im vaguely and sickly aware that the floors of these cars are wet and somewhat soft. a little warm too... hmmm.. i push on through them and their connecting windows im just to the last one almost touching this boy on the shoulder i twitch and im not there any more. now im standing in the middle of a huge park. at this point im ready to accept that im dreaming and a little miffed at metaphors. too much brain workin. i try not to think about it and move on. the park is beautiful and very green. i know im in florida now. throughout the park are glass capsules buried just under the ground, so you can stop and glance in if you wanted. they are sealed tight and they sparkle in the sun like peeking diamonds through the moss and grass. im in awe, i love this place. i start hunting the capsules one by one. sometimes finding people curled in them, sometimes animals and mostly objects. pretty jewelry tangled in bloody barb wire fills one, in another tiny white pills, in another a strange purple dust piled into words i cant read, dead cell phones, shoes filled with glass, etc. im only disturbed when i get to the woman in a tight ball. ive been running for what seems like years, i love it im not tired, just curious and i find her. shes crouched head between her knees hand up pressing on the glass. its like this isnt a display like the others. she wants out. as im thinking it she pounds once and then simply presses her hand back to the glass. i kneel next to her capsule and watch her. shes all hair and skin, naked spare her feet. socks. i must have done that i hate bare feet. i dont feel anything for this woman. so i leave. i find a bench and sit. the boy is there. waiting. he says the cars are here. somewhere. i laugh and say im never leaving. he says then neither am i. im reaching for him again. i just want to see his face then im woken up by various hamster jose phone noises and its over.
it was a very pretty dream. the glass capsules were my favorite thing. they were so fascinating. like if given the chance to spend eternity there my mind would gladly change them to a million degrees and variations as far as contents. it was almost a challenge like my mind wanted to keep me surprised. like i was playing with my subconscious the way i would another breathing thing. it was exhilarating. this time the boy was afterthought. i like that. maybe im breaking my dependency on need and love and attention. i think it could be a hint to get back to the creative things from before. i worked so hard the last few months just to peter out now. what am i thinking? i see my paintings in my friends homes and now i think im ready to start selling and really stepping it up. i like that. the motivation that my dreams give me is powerful. i never expect half the shit i show myself there. the CRAZINESS of the places my mind makes and the interaction with people and things feels like ecstasy. strength.
im pretty sure that while nice words from others feels good now, i can only move if i hear my own voice. is that good? its hard to tell. it feels amazing so i guess i dont care. hah.
im kind of excited for today.
most of my dreams are similar. they have a sort of structure that i love really. i always fall in love with the boys in my dreams. always. there are usually car crashes, schools, and water. i usually changed surroundings to be more naturalistic. highways to water falls, swimming pools to dried out river beds. its fun, you know. makes me feel like a tripping mad architect. i haven't written one down in a while. onward.
last night i fell asleep holding onto the happiness of last night. i didnt know i was dreaming which was strange when i woke up in a parking lot. something about the place made me know i was in california. i was happy then, back home, wondering how old i was and what time was it and wait my hair is super long! i always love remembering the first few minutes of discovery the next morning. they are the most vivid and most exciting memories compared to the coming puzzle and play of the rest of the dream. the parking lot was huge. there were three cars. all parked right next to each other. i ran to them hoping family or friends were waiting to pick me up. thinking we could go to the hills where i grew up i could show them all these places! i get the backs of these cars and they are parked right on each other. too close to move in between. every time i blink they change color. i realize someone is sitting in the drivers seat of the car on the far left. i try to get in but the door is locked, actually there were no handles. its a man and i cant see his face. he is heaving with his hands covering his eyes and mouth. i have to get to him. for some reason i know hes mine. i run to the rightmost car and the get in. the cars are full of toys, the most random creepy things ever. as i squeak and crunch my way through the cars im vaguely and sickly aware that the floors of these cars are wet and somewhat soft. a little warm too... hmmm.. i push on through them and their connecting windows im just to the last one almost touching this boy on the shoulder i twitch and im not there any more. now im standing in the middle of a huge park. at this point im ready to accept that im dreaming and a little miffed at metaphors. too much brain workin. i try not to think about it and move on. the park is beautiful and very green. i know im in florida now. throughout the park are glass capsules buried just under the ground, so you can stop and glance in if you wanted. they are sealed tight and they sparkle in the sun like peeking diamonds through the moss and grass. im in awe, i love this place. i start hunting the capsules one by one. sometimes finding people curled in them, sometimes animals and mostly objects. pretty jewelry tangled in bloody barb wire fills one, in another tiny white pills, in another a strange purple dust piled into words i cant read, dead cell phones, shoes filled with glass, etc. im only disturbed when i get to the woman in a tight ball. ive been running for what seems like years, i love it im not tired, just curious and i find her. shes crouched head between her knees hand up pressing on the glass. its like this isnt a display like the others. she wants out. as im thinking it she pounds once and then simply presses her hand back to the glass. i kneel next to her capsule and watch her. shes all hair and skin, naked spare her feet. socks. i must have done that i hate bare feet. i dont feel anything for this woman. so i leave. i find a bench and sit. the boy is there. waiting. he says the cars are here. somewhere. i laugh and say im never leaving. he says then neither am i. im reaching for him again. i just want to see his face then im woken up by various hamster jose phone noises and its over.
it was a very pretty dream. the glass capsules were my favorite thing. they were so fascinating. like if given the chance to spend eternity there my mind would gladly change them to a million degrees and variations as far as contents. it was almost a challenge like my mind wanted to keep me surprised. like i was playing with my subconscious the way i would another breathing thing. it was exhilarating. this time the boy was afterthought. i like that. maybe im breaking my dependency on need and love and attention. i think it could be a hint to get back to the creative things from before. i worked so hard the last few months just to peter out now. what am i thinking? i see my paintings in my friends homes and now i think im ready to start selling and really stepping it up. i like that. the motivation that my dreams give me is powerful. i never expect half the shit i show myself there. the CRAZINESS of the places my mind makes and the interaction with people and things feels like ecstasy. strength.
im pretty sure that while nice words from others feels good now, i can only move if i hear my own voice. is that good? its hard to tell. it feels amazing so i guess i dont care. hah.
im kind of excited for today.
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